I'm 24, and recently suffered a seizure. I learned I have a brain tumor (it doesn't look malignant).

I've since been waking up with lost memories of the few weeks prior. Turns out I'd been hanging out with my ex-girlfriends.

But I didn't allow one of my ex'es to visit me in the hospital because we'd both cheated on each other during our relationship. I don't recall hanging out with her, nor do I wish to do so again! How do I explain this to her?

Memory Blank

Your condition is your valid excuse - and it's also an alert to prevent further stress to your mind. Try this: "Thanks for your interest but I'm keeping visitors to a minimum." If people persist, have someone else tell them that your doctor's orders are for rest and quiet.

My husband's cousin prepared a large meal for a family gathering, and I helped clean up. I suffer from chronic back pain, (his cousin knows), so after four hours I was tired and said I wanted to go home.

His cousin badgered me, saying loudly, what difference did it make whether I had back pain at home or at her place. I said I'm more comfortable in my own home. My husband said nothing.

When I later complained, he replied without empathy, "Well, what are you going to do about certain people?"

He later admitted that he was as shocked as I was by his cousin's insensitivity but he didn't want to create a scene, as her three children were present. He apologized and said he'd try to do better should it happen again.

Should my husband or I have contacted his cousin afterwards to let her know that her comments were hurtful? Is it too late to do it now?

Insulted

Yes, it's too late. Your husband's first response to you highlighted the main problem, which is his cousin's lack of empathy. He (and you) clearly know her well enough to realize that she doesn't "get it" about others' pain.

That said, your husband could've spoken up at the house without a confrontation, by simply saying, "You know how painful this can be. We had a great time, thanks, good night."

However, re-visiting this and saying something now will put far more emphasis on an incident that you should all forget.... but handle better next time.

I'm writing from Coventry, England, because I'm in love with a guy while married to a woman. I think I'm gay. But I don't want to hurt my wife.

I cheated on her when I took my relationship to the next level with the man I love. I can't help my sexuality.

Desperate

Get honest with yourself, and with your wife: You don't just think you're gay. You're already involved in a gay relationship and will hurt everyone involved far more if you postpone acknowledging your sexuality.

Otherwise, your wife will soon find out, likely in some unpleasant way. As difficult as it is, tell her. She may already have suspected something.

This is an excellent time for you to see a therapist and discuss the issues of "coming out" and dealing with the fallout from leaving a marriage, if that's what you choose.

IF, however, you feel you're actually bi-sexual and want to stay married, you still would benefit from counselling to think this through. Meanwhile, use protection during sex.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who didn't want to have children (January 19):

Reader - "I'm childless by choice and have long been amused by the accusation that my childlessness was a selfish act. When I asked those people why I should have children, they presented selfish reasons, but not one reason relating to the child or society. All were related to me: "You'll get so much pleasure watching them grow up." "When you're old, you'll have your children to support you." And for someone who doesn't even like babies, "You'll have grandchildren to look after!"

"I'm now 69 and many women and men honestly tell me that if they could do it over, they wouldn't have children.

"Once women's economic life was no longer in the hands of men, and the birth control pill became available, our choices increased.

"Lucky are the women who know themselves, and whether they truly want children."