I was pursuing a girl, but knew we wouldn’t date long-term because of our differences.
I got cold sores on my lip and applied medication early, leaving only a small, unobvious blister. I engaged in oral sex with her while I had this small blister. One week later, she had pain during sex and a doctor confirmed she’d acquired vaginal herpes. She believed my embarrassed denial, that I didn’t give her the disease. She had to move, so I let her move in with me, but we fought like crazy, we just weren’t compatible and I suggested she move out.
Guilt-ridden, I finally said I gave her the herpes virus. Knowing that stress causes an outbreak, I paid a $3000 bill for her to lessen her financial burden. I’ve offered to pay for meds to diminish the occurrence of outbreaks for the rest of her life.
I cannot move on with my social life without knowing she’s met someone and is happy. It’s been two years and I refuse to date anyone until then.
I wish I’d known sooner how easily transferable cold sores are. Please let your readers know that a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) isn’t something you can walk away from. The overwhelming guilt that a person has after passing on an STD can be crippling.
- Truly Sorry
You’ve said it all, from the carrier’s perspective; I hope readers take seriously your warning about future guilt and responsibility for transmitting this incurable STD. However, the unsuspecting person who becomes a lifelong herpes patient, needing medication and strategies to prevent painful outbreaks, is even more devastated.
ALL sexually active people should be aware of the potential risk of having unprotected sex with new partners. Asking questions about sexual health isn’t romantic or sexy, but it shouldn’t be attempted in the heat of passion. It’s an important part of gathering information and trust about someone with whom you expect to become intimate.
Protect yourself, because others don’t always care until it’s too late.
I met someone on an internet message board, but our “in-person” relationship/friendship didn’t work out as I’d hoped. I feel he was playing me like he wanted to be more than friends, just to “set me up” and dump me. He ended things in a hateful, uncaring way via email…one week before I moved to be closer to him.
I’ve tried to resume just a message board co-existence, but it’s difficult to not re-live the emotional pain as usually he disregards me while posting all around me, to continue to mess with my head.
Why do I keep going back for more? I know he and his board friends enjoy playing me and yet, pathetically, I let it happen.
How do I overcome my co-dependency on a message board that provides me with a social outlet, but also brings un-acceptance?
I’m a lifelong single, have few friends here and my family lives elsewhere. I’m also in a dead-end job. Should I move back to be with my family?
- Still Cold in Illinois
You need to get out with people, and end your reliance on message boards whose “social” aspect is isolating, if you don’t have other connections.
You keep going back, because you haven’t built a network for yourself. If going home can provide a support group and comfort to help you do this, go.
Consider this “lost” relationship with a callous Internet abuser, a blessing.
Watch out for Separated Lonely Ladies out to get your man!
When I discovered the affair, he lied, saying that she did nothing but seek him out, phone him and visit him at work. She knew he was married and didn't care; she had the guts to confront me!
My husband finally realized his mistakes and finished with her, yet continues to think he’s done nothing wrong.
- Want the Love I Deserve
It’s not only some SLL’s who pursue affairs, it’s also Foolishly Flattered Husbands who succumb! Your guy is likely embarrassed by the whole mess and that’s why he’s negating any wrong-doing.
Try to work together on re-connecting. Accept that he ended it because he does love you. Put this behind you for now. As your relationship stabilizes, if you still can’t get past the hurt, suggest getting marriage counselling for a better future together, or go on your own.
Tip of the day:
Anyone who carries the herpes virus has a moral obligation to be open about it with a potential sex partner.