I was attracted to a girl at my school last semester. She was kind to me and had a great personality. I was planning to get to know her better.
However, she suddenly changed schools due to new boundaries.
I amassed the courage to get her phone number from a mutual friend and I called her. She politely turned me down when I asked if she'd like us to get to know each other better.
Later, on instant messenger, she said it was very nice that I called. She just didn't think it was physically possible to get together since we went to different schools, and she didn't know me enough to get to know me more (a "Catch-22" situation).
How can I convince her to give me a chance? Or was I too late?
- Missed Chance
Think positively: You may have been too early in your acquaintanceship for agreement on a defined plan, but you have achieved a first brave move at connecting.
Now, let it rest awhile. If something comes up where it's possible to get together - such as your having tickets to a concert; or, if there's a weekend school event to which you can invite her - that would be the time to try again. Make sure you're not seen to be pressuring her for a dating relationship, but rather just a chance at considering a friendship.
If this approach doesn't work on a next try, look for future attraction to someone more geographically accessible.
I'm 19, and recently ended a six-month relationship with my boyfriend, who's 21. Our relationship started out great and he was sweet and caring even after he did bad things.
I thought that he was perfect for me, until the first time that I turned him down for sex. I just wasn't in the mood. He got more aggressive. How could he do this, when he knew that in the past I'd been sexually assaulted?
When he was done, I was almost crying but couldn't let him see that he'd done something wrong. I'm not sure why I tried so hard to push it away and not think of it.
Later he said that he was sorry. Then why did he do it again, and again? The only way to stop him was to leave. He still says he loves me.
I thought that sex was supposed to be enjoyed by two consenting people who love each other.
Does an apology actually mean anything if someone repeats their bad actions?
His apology is worthless and self-serving. His only motive was getting you to stay, for HIS pleasure; he cared nothing for yours.
Worse, his behaviour was abusive - and that was especially cruel when he knew you'd already suffered sexual trauma.
I urge you to seek counselling to deal with your past experiences and your diminished self-esteem, which they've clearly caused.
Your hope for a loving, mutually consenting sexual and emotional relationship can be realized - but only when you have the confidence and inner strength to reject anyone who wants you to accept less. You're on the right track to have left this creep.
• In Ontario, the Assaulted Woman's Helpline is a 24-hour crisis line,
anonymous and confidential, at 1-866-863-0511. It provides information,
resources, referrals and support to women who've been abused. Services
include: Legal services and supports, community-based supports, criminal
justice supports and services, counsellors and therapists, and support
groups. See www.awhl.org.
My widowed paternal grandmother often stays at our house for the whole weekend.
Recently, my parents suggested, as they went out, that she have a shower. Grandma was very offended and told me she prefers to take showers in the evening at her own house; she said that my mother is bossy, and that if my mother thinks that she's such a bother, why doesn't she kick her out of the house.
I'm upset and unsure of what to do next.
My father also suggested a shower, but my Grandma didn't say anything about him.
- In the Middle
Get out of the middle by telling Grandma you love her but don't want to be told negative things about your parents. You can show your caring about her feelings by distracting her, as in "Grandma, I'd love you to show me how to make your great shortbread cookies."
Then, let her and your parents sort out their differences.
Tip of the day:
A gentle outreach to get to know someone better, can open the door for later contact.