Recently an old "girlfriend" found me online and emailed me; we're both married and she has kids. We started talking again through emails, which slowly began to be filled with flirty banter that in retrospect were also filled with innuendos and connotations. My wife discovered these emails and was accurately upset. 

I recognized my mistake and apologized, I also sent an email to the old "girlfriend" explaining it was inappropriate and disrespectful to our spouses, and I love mine very dearly. It was just "fun" and nice to be complimented; I never wanted anything more to materialize.

My wife has been extremely understanding of the situation and we've talked it out and recognize areas of the relationship we need to work on as both individuals and as a couple.

I have trouble being completely honest and am working diligently on that.

What should we do now?

- Ashamed

Stay close and be grateful for each other. You appear, as a couple, to have that crucial ability to both respond to a potential crisis with speed, sensitivity, and sincerity. 

Your admission of having difficulty with honesty is significant – but realize that this is no small problem in a union, nor elsewhere in life, such as friendships and work. So do NOT rely on your wife’s understanding alone.

Do the thinking necessary, and/or get professional counselling to help you, to explore where this comes from and how to change that pattern. Also, your too-easy succumbing to flirtatious flattery is a warning sign to both of you, to not get so caught up in day-to-day chores and work, that you forget the loving gestures and compliments that keep people emotionally connected.

You’ve started on the right path.

I’m getting married to a wonderful and caring man next year whom I love to pieces. The problem is his mother.  

We’re paying for a wedding ourselves and trying to save every last penny in addition to paying a mortgage and other bills.  

My fiance’s mother calls us every other month asking for money - hundreds of dollars at a time. Every month she has another excuse: she lost her purse, she had an unexpected bill, she gave too much to the church etc. I suspect she has a gambling problem and goes to bingo regularly.

Ellie, this woman is single, has two jobs and no mortgage. Her rent is minimal as she lives in subsidized housing in a very cheap area.

My fiance keeps on giving away our savings to her, and I’m beginning to resent her. What should I do?

- Fed Up

Set boundaries together NOW, or expect to have this problem grow bigger and more obstructive to your relationship. 

IF his mother has a gambling problem, he’s enabling her by feeding it, and doing nothing to truly help her. He should take control of the situation by 1) refusing to bail her out… unless she’s in dire straits, which is unlikely with her two jobs, and 2) addressing the gambling problem by accompanying her to bingo, and probing deeper into what’s going on. 

You should both first agree on how he’ll handle this, so that it’s not a matter of you nagging him and complaining, but a team effort at resolving the situation.

His mother may be crying out for attention and help with her phone calls, so instead of getting angry, get compassionate and pro-active. Your fiancé will love you all the more for it.

My former best friend and I used to be very close and I developed romantic feelings. It became a tumultuous, emotionally draining, love-hate relationship. 

Thankfully, I no longer have feelings for him; yet we’re still good friends, we speak every day. But this experience made it hard for me to trust other men or even accept dates, to assure that I’m unharmed (emotionally). 

How should I deal with this?

- Left Insecure

You’re harming yourself emotionally by carrying this past experience like a barrier between you and all other guys. 

The past relationship was specific to that situation, that person. You wanted something that he clearly didn’t, and he failed to be moved. 

So long as you seek to build your next relationship on a mutual basis, with someone who wants you as much as you want him, you don’t need to build walls of protection. Stop hiding, and be yourself.