My husband of seven years spends the majority of his spare time gaming on his computer, but has recently spent more time with me and our kids and helping out (at my urging). I’ve let him know how happy I am about the changes.     
      But he has a female gaming friend who’s younger, attractive, single and lives nearby. All was fine until he announced last year that she was going to have surgery and he’d visit her.    
      I suggested we all go - it never materialized. Then, he had other plans to visit her; I’ve said I’m not okay with this. He suggested she come here instead.      
      He assures me there’s nothing going on, never will be, that he loves me and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our marriage. But I find the friendship inappropriate. Neither of them understands why I have an issue with this.    
      He gets annoyed with me if I look at his computer screen to see their conversation (he since said I can). When I said I don’t want him talking with her, he asked HER if he should stop talking to her.     
      He denies that he has no respect for my feelings or me, yet continues to speak with her. I’m likely projecting my dislike of the game on this girl, but it's also his complete refusal to stop the friendship - regardless of my feelings.       
      I’ve said I don't believe that anything is going on, but I feel that he's opening a door; you can't control who you develop feelings for, so why put yourself in that position?     
      I don't understand why he couldn't make friends with any of the other male players of his game. Or why they had to want to meet? He also refuses counselling.
      - Gaming Concern

It’s the game more than the girl. But, because you’re afraid to insist he stop gaming, you’ve escalated watchful awareness of their friendship into outright jealousy.     
      True, he should respect your feelings when you’re so bothered by this. Yet he’s trying to reassure you of his love and his willingness to participate and help out more, as you’ve asked.    
      His friendship with this gaming pal is the sticking point, because it’s really about his being at the point of addiction, if he’s still so absorbed by the game itself.    
      Back off the girl. Add up his hours online, and start talking about the “elephant” that IS interfering with your marriage.

My best friend's parents split up several years ago, due to her father's drinking. He re-married. She sees them monthly and adores her step-mom and half-sibling. But she's terrified of being alone with her father.    
      He’s hit her several times over trivial matters. I'm the only person she's confided in as she fears losing contact with her step-mother and sibling, if the visits to stop.     
      We’re young teenagers. Should she tell her mom and stop seeing her father completely?
      - Concerned Pal

She must tell her mom. She’s at risk of increasing harm if her father can get away with hitting her. Her younger sibling is also at risk if no one lets her father know that his physical outbursts when drinking won’t be tolerated.     
      Hopefully, her mom will not only insist on supervised visits (or none, till he’s sober), but will also alert his wife to the reasons why.    
      She, too, would be better off to recognize the potential for harm to herself and her young child and to insist that he get help for his alcoholism and anger.

FEEDBACK Several people responded to a January 20 column in which a mother worried about her “unfocused” daughter, age 13:     
      Reader – “The mother could have her daughter tested to see if she has ADD or AD/HD. It’s often missed in girls. My son is helped by low-dose medication.”    
      Reader – “AD/HD presents itself in boys differently than it does in girls. Often because girls are less disruptive in class, their disorder goes undiagnosed and untreated.”     
      Reader – “My daughter has real trouble being on time for anything. Now she's an adult and married. Her husband noted her prep time - 20 minutes in the bathroom, 15 minutes dressing - and put up post-it notes plus a large clock in the bathroom!     
      “She realized she was unaware of how long it took her to get ready and began to allow enough time. Dreamy, creative types can be disconnected from the passage of time.”