I feel quite insecure when my boyfriend goes out to bars and parties with his friends, coworkers, or cousins. He travels for work, and often goes out afterwards for drinks with co-workers. He has friends in a lot of places and often meets up with them.

I'm afraid a girlfriend of one of his cousins or friends will bring their pretty single friend along and he'll be into them.

Why do I feel this way? I want to be secure in our relationship. I want to know that when he's out, and meeting new people, he's thinking of me.

I don't want to be afraid of him meeting new people, because I think it's healthy and I know he's social by nature.

We've been dating a year, and he's said he's not ready yet to say he loves me yet. I love him and told him so.

I feel like maybe he still wants to keep his options open or that I'm not The One for him.

Feeling Insecure

You took a risk and said the “L” word first. He held back. That’s a set-up for insecurity, and you’ve both contributed to your feeling that way.

Unfortunately, I suspect you tend to insecurity because you’ve even created scenarios in your head about “the pretty” other person he’ll fall for.

It’s not healthy or wise for you to build so much anxiety… it makes you appear needy, and leaves you more vulnerable, in case you two do break up.

Back off. Clear your mind when it wanders into imaginings, drop the “I love you’s” (without anger or hints) and let him just wonder why you stopped. Show interest in his friends, cousins, co-workers, and hopefully he’ll invite you along when it’s possible.

If he doesn’t, you need to build the strength to move on, if it turns out you’re both not The One for each other.

I purchased two outdoor chairs at a large department store.
When I got home, I discovered that the receipt was for a much lesser amount than they cost. Should I return to the store and pay the difference?

Big Dollar Dilemma

You already know the answer - it’s a bother, but…. back you go.

You sent this to me, a relationship advice columnist, rather than the more logical choice – an ethics commentator. After all, the ethics are seemingly straightforward.

You didn’t intend to cheat the store of their profit, but if you knowingly accept the mistake, you’re complicit in it.

Yet, how “ethical” is it, you might wonder, for big businesses to charge large profits? And since this store likely does mark some items up high, you might also think they’ll never miss the amount you could save by ignoring the salesperson’s error.

This brings you to my territory – your relationship with an individual with whom you dealt, as well as with yourself.

That salesperson can probably be traced to a connection with those chairs being way undersold. He/she may be reprimanded, perhaps with the difference in profit taken from his/her pay.

You can prevent this loss by going back to the store and paying the difference. It’s an amount you were prepared to give up when you made the purchase.

So the final answer here is about YOU. If you see yourself as honest, decent, upstanding, and aware of the consequences of your actions to others, you’ll hurry back to the store.

I’m having problems waking up and going to a job I don't like.

I have to go in order to maintain my life. How can I become more motivated, make the best of it, and get up on time?

Also, I don't get along with my co-workers. How can I get to know them and become friends?

Lost in my Life

When depression takes hold, it’s hard to enjoy work or the people there, and the desire to avoid all by sleeping becomes stronger.

Get to a doctor right away. Or go to a hospital’s mental health clinic or emergency department and openly express feeling too low to get up and work, though you need to financially.

You may be given medication to lift you over this slump. Ask also for ongoing therapy to learn some coping strategies. Once you’re pro-active getting help, you’ll have more confidence to make friends.