My son’s an active, curious toddler. Whenever our son falls or cuts himself, my husband gets really angry and begins to sweat, shake, and curse. If it’s his fault, he’ll hit himself for bringing harm to our son. Yet usually the injuries are so minor that my son hardly cries.

My husband's reactions are so extreme that they're scaring me. I'm scared to be around people lest my son injures himself and my husband goes crazy. He recently yelled at my cousin publicly for not looking after my son when he fell and hit his head.
He won't consider counselling. What should I do? He's had anger management issues his whole life.

Scared

Learn more about these extreme anger reactions by talking to a professional yourself. Your husband may’ve given you clues about the source through stories about his own upbringing.

You need to learn strategies for calming him when possible, or else for managing in the best way possible, for yours and your son’s sakes.

If his overreactions and outbursts increase, you may have to make his going to counselling a condition of staying together.

That’s not extreme; it’s reality.

I’m 57, happily married for 32 years, have many friends and close family members.

My husband's brother’s wife was formerly my best friend (married one year after us). But recently, she wants to know everything I do, where I go and with whom, always wanting to be included (usually so in the past).

She’s started to lecture my children and grandchildren, who’ve begun avoiding her.

Now I’ve learned that she’s been repeating to my daughter-in-law things I told her, some of it not being true. (I vented when my DIL and I were going through a difficult time. My sister-in-law and I had been each other’s “go-to-girls” for venting).

I shouldn't have talked about my DIL and thankfully I didn't say anything terrible. My DIL told me and we worked things out.

I’ve also learned that my SIL did something similar to another family member. Eventually, that relative and I realized from whom she’d gotten false information about my feelings for her.

My SIL says terrible things about her difficult mom, siblings, etc. but I’ve never repeated anything.

Now I’ve lost the trust in our friendship. I’ve distanced myself from her somewhat. I feel very sad that I can't trust her enough to tell her anything personal any more. She was once a huge part of my life and I miss her. For now, she just believes I’m very busy.

Should I put this relationship in the past? Should I confront her? I don't want to hurt her but I have to protect myself.

Betrayed

Ending the friendship and/or having a heavy confrontation are both bound to cause further bad repercussions.

Her husband will be affected and so will yours. Her past hurts from her own mother could make your withdrawal feel like an unbearable rejection. There’s also the risk of family-wide gossip and divisions.

Stay “busy” but connected through emails, and plan spaced times to meet – shopping, a movie, an outing with spouses - all ways to get together without too much conversation required.

Protect yourself by learning your own lesson here – don’t say anything about anyone whom you don’t want to hear it.

Lastly, some compassion… her increased needs to be involved in your life, with your kids, etc., indicate growing insecurities. These could be related to depression, hormone changes, and personal unhappiness.

My fiancé only left his marriage at the start of our relationship (having lied to me). We worked it through and now have a baby.

His family was welcoming. His mother said she’d be open about her contact with her ex-daughter-in-law, assuring that their relationship would gradually dwindle.

But we’ve learned that she’s been spending time with his ex behind our backs. Is it wrong for me to feel hurt, like the "other woman" even though my fiancé’s divorced?

I find it disrespectful for her to be hanging out with his ex on the sly.

Hurt

Since HE isn’t hanging out with her, you’re not the “other woman.” His mother likely is being covert about this so as not to hurt you, which is respectful. If they actually like each other, it isn’t about you.

However, since it bothers you, your husband should support you and ask for more sensitivity from his mother.