Dear Readers - Here's Part One of the leftover questions from my live online chat about how to handle (or not handle) a relationship, after one party has had an affair (May 11):

My cousin's boyfriend of seven years is a repeat cheater. Before she goes any further with the relationship, is it okay for me or her brother to tell him off? How can you convince someone they're making the wrong decision and being manipulated?

After seven years with him, she either knows he cheats or is in denial.... which means you can't convince her of anything. Her brother may be able to have some temporary effect with a warning, but that might just make the guy try to isolate her from friends and family. Since you both care about her so much, stay in contact, she'll need you.

My marriage broke up after I found out about large numbers of affairs. I was willing to work on it when it was only one that I thought I was dealing with.

Serial infidelity is a problem within the cheater, not the marriage. There was nothing you could do, unless she determined to change her behaviour, permanently.

Everyone claims they're in love with either their spouse or their lover, or both. Please explain how you know you're "in love."

I always thought it was when you couldn't stop thinking about the person and had internal strong gut feelings.             Sounds more like "lust" for a stranger when it comes to the affair. I don't see that as love.

There are fine lines between lust and the obsession you describe as love. They're all real gut feelings, including passion. But love over time also includes respect and trust, without constant neediness. It often takes self-confidence and experience to recognize the kind that lasts.

I discovered that my husband is registered with different dating websites, and is looking for sexual dates with no attachments. I was shocked first because he doesn't show anything that makes me think he doesn't like me anymore. I don't know if I should ask him why he uses those websites. He doesn't know that I discovered them.

You don't know if you should ask? Why wouldn't you ask? This isn't about whether he "likes you".... it's about how you can "like" a man who's a deceiving hound dog risking your health and trust by seeking random sexual dates. Confront him. And see your doctor to check for STD's, and then see a lawyer.

My long-term boyfriend was having an affair until it caught up with him. Sometimes it's a learned behaviour. His father did the same thing to his mother. I left and couldn't be happier now. I wonder how long it was going on during the ten years I was with him. TRUST is the strongest bond in the relationship; if you don't have that, you have nothing.

Tough lesson, but you clearly learned it well. Yes, a cheating parent is a factor in later behaviour, but NOT an excuse. He's an adult; he could choose to be different from his father, especially if he thinks of how his mother felt.

I was in a long-term relationship and cheated near the end. I'm currently with the person I cheated with and all is well, except it's been three years since breaking it with my ex and I still cannot stop thinking about her. Suggestions?

Get counseling, or you're headed to be a repeat cheater. You already devastated your ex - now leave her alone.

After the affair, discuss it in small doses, repeating how sorry you are that you hurt your partner and how much you love her/him.

Then, plan your future together. Eventually it'll get better but be patient and never blame her/him for these upsets.... you're responsible for this pain.

Marital therapy throughout this process can help provide insights.

My husband of 40 years had an affair with his high-school girlfriend. When he told me, we saw [see] a therapist. He continued to contact her via secret emails for another year. Three years later, I can't get over the double deception.

Stay with the counseling. Other hurts you experienced in the past may be holding you back from getting past this.

After 40 years together, it's a major life change to go out on your own, so it's worth every effort for you both to find ways to work through this together.