My son's getting married in the Caribbean. Invitations have gone out to my ex (his father), who's responded that he'll be coming and now the girlfriend will be attending. He originally said only he would be coming.

This is simply a horrible situation for me because this same woman was the person who broke up my marriage (I had two very young boys then). She was the reason behind our very difficult and nasty divorce.

I rarely spoke to my ex-husband. I don't acknowledge she even exists. My sons have had to endure her for the last 16 years at his family events (not hers).

I cannot bear the thought of spending four days on the same island, in a small resort, with her (and him), yet I've been told, "it's the bride's day, so suck it up." My son and his fiancee aren't happy that she's coming, but say they cannot tell her not to come.

I feel I'll be sitting in my room and not participating in the activities, and my son will be upset at me for letting her bother me.

If I do participate, the look of sympathy will be on the faces of all the guests who are mostly close family and friends.

Shall I tell my son to ask his father to withdraw the invitation to her, or shall I just keep quiet and cry quietly inside as "she" stands in the wedding pictures?

Distraught

One "young son" is now a groom 16 years later. It's time you showed pride in raising him while surviving this long-ago blow, and refuse to cry or be discomfited by this woman who got the booby prize - your ex, a man whom you dislike.

However, despite your feelings, he has the right to bring his longtime partner to the wedding. And you should not upset the bridal couple's plans, or day, by being the victim. Do NOT ask that they order his dad to attend alone, thereby creating father-son conflict at the worst time.

Get yourself psyched up to handle this - look your best; enjoy your close people (they'll look at you with admiration, not sympathy). Celebrate the wedding and your son's joy.

My sister's in a live-in relationship that blends their two sons together as sort of stepbrothers. Her partner doesn't like me, and I don't like him.

I'm being told by my sister to treat his son the same way I'd treat my nephew. I try to include him, but his son seems confused when I ask him to join in with my nephew and me.

He looks interested in playing but stands back watching, or runs away. My sister says her partner's told him to stay away from me.

I'm mad at her partner but madder at my sister for not standing up for me. If they're a blended family, then I'm like an aunt to his son. We both need to put our differences aside regarding the children. I don't think he trusts me around his child. I'd never treat his son badly. What should I do?

Upset

Speak up yourself. Nicely. He can't suddenly trust you, if you rely on your sister to talk to him. Tell him openly that you want to put your differences aside, for the sake of the boys, AND for harmony in your sister's home life. But you have to mean it.

Ask him to help you get his boy to relax and enjoy playing with his stepbrother and you.

I'm sure you're going to tell me to butt out. My son, 30s, married with a couple of kids, lives away from home but close to his in-laws.

He's working seven days a week to make ends meet. I'm proud of him, however he's paying his mother-in-law to baby-sit his kids. She's giving them a discount, and takes in another four kids at full price.
He has no time for his kids or wife. His MIL lives alone, drives a new truck, has a bigger home, and collects support from her ex-husband.

When I mention it's obscene to take money for watching her grandkids, my son says, "She needs to eat, too." I'm jealous that I don't get to see my grandkids unless I visit out there, where the in-laws are rude and ignore me.

Resentful

Butt out. You'll affect his marriage, not his MIL. It's their deal, and not your business.