I recently noticed a belly where I didn't have one before. I started working out and my girlfriend voiced interest in getting back in shape, too. However, because her job involves being on her feet a lot, she's generally too tired for proper exercise.

She's still beautiful, so it's not a weight issue, but I know she'd be happier if she lived a bit healthier (she has trouble getting to sleep and pretty mean mood swings).

I try to be positive about exercise and tell her I'm really proud when she fits in a workout, but she says that makes her feel I'm not proud of her otherwise.

How do I get her up and moving without sounding judgemental?

Fitness Enthusiast

There's nothing like a convert to a new regime, to put another person off following it! Do your own thing, and back off the "fix-it" role.

You say, "It's not a weight issue" as if, five more pounds and she's in big trouble.... exactly what women most hate to hear from their partners.

You're already proving your point by looking and feeling better yourself. Don't be smug; just make it a natural part of your lifestyle.

Bring healthy foods into the house (hold the lecture) and order selectively in restaurants. The message is loud and clear without you pushing it.

I love my husband of 25 years dearly, yet wonder how much he loves me.

He's ruining my relationship with his mother, making it harder and harder for me to appreciate her or even want to do anything for her.

He worships her, she can do no wrong. According to him, she works harder than me, cooks better, and is a much better person than I will ever be. He's always concerned about her health and will do everything to make sure she's healthy, whereas he ignores me completely when I'm sick, and tells me to deal with it.

My mother-in-law is a great person but I'm exhausted trying to measure up to his or her standards in hopes that he'll think I'm a wonderful wife, mother. I want to hear him say he loves me and appreciates what I do in the home or how I assist in the business.

He told me once not to make him choose between his mother and me; he'd choose his mom. Although he apologized for the comment, I cannot get past it.

Please don't suggest talking to him about my feelings because he'll turn it around and make it about him. Do I just continue accepting how things are?

Frustrated

You're asking for change from someone whose attitudes have apparently remained the same for 25 years. So look at other options.

Since you admire and respect his mother, avoiding her would be counter-productive, like a childish protest.

Leaving your husband would also seem unproductive; since it's his love and approval you want, not more distance.

Despite his comparisons, it sounds like you've done your best in your wife/mother roles, so get the competition out of your head. When he praises his mom, agree, smile and stop feeling diminished. He loves Momma best, but she is NOT his wife and could not bear him children. You did.

You've accepted these negative comparisons for too long. Refuse to get upset by them, walk away after you've agreed.

A new response from you - with strength and confidence in yourself, showing you don't care to compete - might just blow away his comparisons.

My boyfriend of 18 months and I have a healthy, respectful, loving relationship. He says that he wants to marry me.

But the closer we get to planning a future, he gets freaked out. I've seen this pattern in other areas of his life too, (buying a house, etc.).

When I mention marriage, he ignores it or changes the subject. He had a chaotic childhood with no example of what a healthy relationship looks like. I'd like us to get married in the next year. Am I with the wrong person?

Concerned

The short answer is "Maybe." Understanding the possible reason for his indecisiveness doesn't mean you can live with it. That's what you have to decide, yourself.

If you love each other deeply, and if he's open to "learning" how to have a lasting relationship, a process of couples' counseling NOW could promise a better future of carrying through important plans, together.