Our one-year-dating anniversary is here. I love him, but the fact that I perceive him as irresponsible (not a good provider) is undercutting my feelings for him. Does this make me shallow?

I've been paying for our rent, for most of the household purchases and for all the bills (minus his car and cell-phone). He came into the relationship with lots of debt, but I don't think he's paid any down despite me subsidizing his living expenses.

He's a self-employed contractor, so has no regular paycheck. I also have to practically do his business taxes for him -- which he still hasn't paid. If he has parking or speeding tickets, he'll ignore it. I feel like a nag.

Writing this makes me realize that I totally resent him. Yet he's the best partner I've ever had in all other aspects. If we break up, I'll never find someone I love as much.

Torn

-"Shallow" is a word that could apply to your feelings, if this guy were paying his own way but you resented that he's unlikely to ever be rich enough to provide you with luxuries.

However, in this case, your resentment at having to play mother to this irresponsible user (he knows what he's getting away with!) while still considering him the "best partner," makes you a candidate for other labels: Foolish and Short-Sighted.

The risks in this relationship will multiply monthly - more outlay from you plus more debt from him will add up to frequent fights in this expensive, co-dependent relationship. He plays Good Boy every time you pay off another bill. If you're still in this dynamic six months from now, dump the 18-month anniversary cake, and him too.

My sister's 59, three years older than me, but always acted as a surrogate mother since both our parents suffered illnesses and Mom also had deep depressions so couldn't cope with her four children. Now, there are just the two of us left after our parents and siblings have passed, but my sister's still telling me what to do.

How do I tell her that as a fit, healthy, married male who's been successful in business, I don't need her hovering around and worrying about me? She phones every night and asks too many intrusive questions. It's offensive to my wife, and feels smothering to me. But I don't want to hurt her.

Sibling Smothering

Take Sis to lunch and thank her for all her years of caring about you and looking after you. Tell her how much you love her and value her in your life. Then, say you have two gifts: One can be a small but meaningful token of your sincere appreciation; the other is the emotional gift of Freedom.

Explain that while you still want a close relationship with her, it must now be one of equals, without her having any responsibility for you. Be enthused about hoping you can talk to her once a week to catch up on what each is doing, and to see each other on family events and sometimes just like this meeting, just to connect.

Give her one last report on the state of your being: You're healthy, financially secure, all is well. However, DO ask if she's in a similarly comfortable state.... it may just be time to give her a hand. If so, be helpful, but don't create a reverse of your old relationship.

I'm 46, divorced, he's 38, and never had a relationship this long (eight months). He says he loves me but never wants to go out, hasn't introduced me to family and friends. He just wants to sleep over.

He says that past pain and abuse holds him back. He's now getting therapy, asking me to wait while he works things out before he moves forward with me. I love him but how do I stop myself from feeling he's just using me for sex. How long should I wait?

Conflicted

Stop waiting. Take a break until his process of therapy is done on his own, and he can renew your relationship in healthy ways, starting with going out, and meeting his close people.

By offering him sex with no ties, he hasn't the impetus to stay with the therapy when it gets tough, or he gets cold feet about making changes.