My girlfriend of two years cheated on me and, though she’s apologized, I can’t get over it. I don’t seem able to accept that she had it in her to cheat on me, even though she’s apologized and repeatedly said she’d never do it again.

I understand that other people work through things and overcome a single act of infidelity. But I don’t believe I can, despite that she’s begged me to do so.

There was much love there, and I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me (as she’s suggested), because I’m capable of walking away from that love rather than get counselling and work on things with a woman who cheated.

My Flaw?

There’s nothing “wrong” with you. Any “flaw” that exists, is in her or the relationship itself. Her turning it around to make you doubt yourself, is the response of a guilty person who wants to shift blame, and slap a label on the other person.

However, you mention the love between you two as part of questioning your response.

It signals that this event of her cheating provides an opportunity for you - whether you move on from her OR re-think the relationship.

Instead of “working through this” based on her desire to stay together, consider yourself exploringwhy you feel that walking away from love is the better solution.

You may already know things from your past – e.g. a previous betrayal from someone close, parents’ divorce – that make you very uncomfortable with imperfection in a loved one.

Or, by talking to a counselor on your own, you might gain insight as to why her cheating, no matter the reason or regrets, ends all chance of moving forward together.

Take some time to probe deeper into your own uncertainty, before making a final decision.

My fiancé grew a big moustache, which he thinks is manly. I hate it, it’s coarse and rough when we kiss, and food often gets stuck in it. How do I get him to shave it off?

Not Tickled

Tell him how manly he is in other ways. Say how proud you are of being a team, but your half truly dislikes the ‘stache, especially when you kiss. Then drop the topic.

One of my closest girlfriends is a businesswoman who had some dealings with my son and they didn’t work out to his advantage. He’s new to his work, and made a small error that ticked her off, though it didn’t cost her money, just some time.

She could’ve given him a second chance but didn’t. We’ve been friends for years and I feel badly about this. Should I say something?

Mum So Far

Stay mum, Mom. Your friendship with this woman isn’t at issue. This is about your son’s business relationship with a potential client (albeit family-friend).

He made the error, must apologize, and do so professionally, not as a friend’s son. If it’s possible that he can offer her some compensation for her time, he should do so, but not push it if she shows no interest.

He should also thank her for the opportunity to pitch to her, saying he’s learned a lot from his mistake. He should not ask for a second chance at this time, as it’d put her on the spot.

But, in six months or so, when he’s more confident of his own skills and of the value of the deal or service, he could make a gentle outreach to her, again.

My boss acts like he thinks I’m after his job. He shoots down my ideas, and then starts up some of them himself, saying, “this isn’t the same thing.” He’s often looking over my shoulder, making me uncomfortable.

I’m a recent hire and I have higher qualifications for this work than he does. But he has years of experience. How can I make this relationship more equal and pleasant?

Frustrated Newbie

Speak to his experience, rather than try to impress him with your ideas. Show him you value his knowledge and his years there.

Ask for direction on things you know he prides himself, and devote some thinking to things that make his job (and yours) easier.

Then, when you do have fresh approaches for which you want credit, or to help toward future promotions, record them in a safe file. Earn some credits awhile. Then, any major suggestions should be copied to him and higher management.