This was told to my wife by her single girlfriend who’s been dating; he loves her child, he’s attractive to her, but kind of a geek or techie.
She takes him to a dinner party at the spacious home of friends in a ritzy part of town. The guys retire to the kitchen and the techie tells the male host he has at least four girlfriends, all madly in love with his body.
The host tells his wife, the hostess who tells the girlfriend, who tells my wife, who asks me what I think: Should she tell her girlfriend to break up with the techie?
My answer: I’m SHOCKED that the other guy told his wife. There’s an unwritten rule that you don’t rat out another guy, particularly if he’s feeling insecure and just bragging (he owns no similar big home).
However, my wife thinks he had a duty to rat. I say it’s a social crime, a capital offense. She should NOT break up unless she just doesn’t like that he has some social problems.

- Your Thoughts?

Your wife should ignore your advice involving others’ relationships, unless 1) she realizes you enjoy being contrary and provocative, rather than helpful, so she’s just humoring you; or 2) she’s aware of your antiquated boys’ club “rules” that prevent friends from alerting other friends to what could be serious information; or 3) unless you’re actually a psychotherapist who’s treated this guy, and you know for certain that he’s suffering insecurity and boasts nonsense.
Otherwise, the girlfriend MUST confront her guy, and, even if he was making up his story, tell him it was disrespectful, unnecessary, and NOT acceptable if he intends to have a future with her.

I discovered a month into our dating relationship that my now-husband had been looking at teen pornography online (he’s mid-30s); I caught and confronted him. He said he wouldn’t do it anymore.
A year later, we were engaged, and I found he was surfing porn again. He lied that it had happened by accident, but eventually confessed, and promised again to quit.
It’s been another year and I’m still worried and checking his computer history. Plus, he’s a male nurse, so I worry about him cheating – I’ve twice caught him checking out other women.
I’m afraid of not being pretty enough or young enough to keep his attention. The “teen porn" really scares me as he’s stepfather to my children, including a girl, 8.
It’s breaking me down mentally.

- Frantic

You’re right to worry, but giving the wrong reasons. His porn habit isn’t about you. By turning your fears inward, you become vulnerable and anxious.
Instead, be forthright and determined. If he can’t control his porn habit completely and finally, he’s out. Say so, and mean it. Stop checking his computer, and trust him… until you have even a hint that there’s a problem again.
You can’t risk your children, or your own peace of mind, by living with suspicions and monitoring.

When my husband’s daughter, age 34, phones my house, she says, “Is my father there?”… never “Hello” to me. We’ve been married eight years; her mother died three years prior.

- Losing Tolerance

Daddy Dearest does her no favour by accepting her rudeness.
She shows you no respect; it’s time he withdrew his respect from her. He should say he loves her, but until she’s polite to you, she’s rejecting his life, so there’s nothing to say to each other.

I’m 27, engaged, have cold feet but feel guilty because I haven’t set a date. It’s because whenever we have even minor disagreements, he threatens to walk out if he doesn’t get his way.
I love him and he’s sweet - until times get tough. I’ve said I can’t accept this but it makes him more upset.
How can I step back without losing him completely? He refuses to discuss it.

- Having Second Thoughts

Your cold feet aren’t stopping you, it’s your cool, rational mind that’s warning you to delay total commitment to a guy who uses threats of leaving to control situations, and you.
The way to get him to address this problem is to raise the bar. Let him leave. And give back the ring.
If he truly loves you, he’ll want back in, at which time you should insist on a process of couples counselling before setting a date.