My boyfriend and I moved in together to ensure that we’re compatible; though it’s been great for two years, he’s confessed that he’s avoided proposing until we go for sex counselling. We’re intimate at least once weekly.  

Work and early morning/late night activities cramp our energy levels and frequency, but when we have sex, it’s good.

He complains about what I consider cliché concerns: he wants more.

I want more affection and foreplay plus the right timing. No huge concerns (I thought).

While I’m fine with counselling, it bothers me severely that the only reason he won’t marry me is because he needs to first have a great sex life. This was never previously mentioned.

I feel that my putting in the effort at this stage, would be submitting to a bribe for marriage.

- Sexual Divide

His concerns aren’t less important than yours, yet you’re dismissive. 

Take a closer look: Your sexual wants fall on the side of control issues – you decide when is the “right timing;” you also want it to go in a certain way.

His wants are more about spontaneity, which often contributes to the fun and passion of lovemaking, as in “Now, honey?” “Oh, yeah, who cares if we’re a little late …”

It’s broader couples’ counselling that you need, to learn that there’s more to marriage than being compatible – e.g. compromise, and caring about the other’s needs as much as your own.

Your statement about a “bribe” is just plain diversionary. He wants to improve the relationship, just as you do.

My in-laws are in their 70’s, and not very mobile. 

They’re very smelly, and use strongly scented products to try and cover this.

I’ve researched why older people are sometimes lax on personal care, so I do feel for them. But it turns my stomach that, after they visit our furniture and bedding stink.

I have an acute sense of smell, but this is my home where I live and work, and I can smell them for three months after they visit, on our guest-bed pillows and on our couch.

I told my husband that it’s his place to ask them to bathe before visiting, but this makes him very angry.

What should I do?

- Fouled In Nova Scotia

To avoid the conversation (and the creation of hurt feelings), suggest he try these alternatives: 1) Tell them he’s treating them to a hotel stay, so they can truly feel they’re on “vacation.” Or 2) More affordable, have a cleaning service shampoo your rugs, clean your couches and pillows and air out your home, immediately that they leave. 

FAR more important: talk to your husband as a partner in caring about his parents even when they don’t visit. Find out just how little they bathe or clean their surroundings, possibly exposing themselves to infection and illness. They may need regular homemaker/nursing care and feel they can’t afford it.

There’s more to do here than just turning up your nose and complaining.

My partner left me. I’d love to get back together, but I want to travel and work in Europe. 

Should I stay in case he changes his mind?

- Torn

Go. Just as he’s done, emotionally. 

The distance will give you both a chance to re-think whether the relationship is worth trying again in the future.

Send him your new contact information, but don’t pursue him. Let time do its work in helping you both re-assess what you had.

I’m 22, female, unemployed, and recently got my bachelor’s degree. 

I feel like I’ve achieved little and am going nowhere.

I’ve had (many) assorted part-time jobs.

My every idea is curbed by feeling inadequate; could I be suffering from depression?

The smallest thing set me off on wild mood swings and daily crying bouts.

I resist seeing doctors because I don’t want to be taken lightly.

- Going Nowhere

No doctor takes chronic depression lightly; get to your family physician and be open, honest and clear about your symptoms. 

You also need to see a therapist; one affordable route is through a community social service agency. Your doctor can refer you to such an agency.

If your mood sinks to despair, call your local distress centre immediately and trained personnel will help you through it and refer you for ongoing help. Distress Centre helplines are listed in your local Yellow Pages.