I had an affair with an ex and now I’m pregnant with my husband’s child. But I still talk to my ex... and wish I could be with him. He wants the same.  

Should I leave my husband or am I crazy??

- Scared

You’re not likely “crazy,” but you ARE responsible for your behaviour: You’ve played both sides, slept with both men, and now an innocent baby will get caught in the messy middle. 

Put your hot emotions aside, and do some serious thinking. Ask yourself, why did you originally break up with your ex, and are the same factors likely to happen again? Why did you marry your husband? Is your ex prepared to raise another man’s child, and also have the father be involved in the lives of you and your child?

If you answer honestly, you’ll know which is the saner move to make. But once you decide, stay in the bed you’ve chosen.

When a family member is closed-minded, controlling, obsessive and a workaholic and you live under their roof (not by choice), with arguments daily (one is assertive, the other is passive-aggressive), how can one deal with such negativity?

- Heavy Atmosphere

Move out, as soon as you can. 

Meantime, do the things that prepare you for moving out: If you’re a student, direct your studies towards a viable career, and consider getting a part-time job.

If you’re already working, start saving more than spending.

Be as positive as possible in your own dealings, and outlook.

Also, try to avoid the arguments by not getting in the middle, carrying messages, or pronouncing judgments.

You don’t know everything about why these two have stayed together despite their combative relationship.

I’m having trouble still loving my husband of 31 years: Our marriage has become sexless, and emotionally void. We’ve even stopped communicating, except about our children or “what’s for supper.” 

If I approach him physically, he accuses me of just wanting sex.

I would love to be hugged and cuddled... but he refuses. He says he isn’t interested anymore.

I’m constantly seething inside, feeling angry and frustrated.

He doesn’t even notice! He reads, does Sudoku, plays bridge, plays golf, rollerblades... and drinks wine or brandy until he falls asleep. So I go to bed a lonely wife every night.

He does have good qualities, but I’m ready to leave him. Yet I don’t want to hurt our children or family.

Also, financially it would be possible, but not prudent.

How can I convince him this relationship is worth saving?

- Fed Up

Before you flee or stay for the wrong reasons, look closely at when the change in your hubby started. 

Some reasons why people withdraw from sex – e.g. mortality fears after someone has died, awkwardness due to erectile problems, health issues and medications that affect libido, depression, etc.

Not to mention excessive drinking which appears to be his escape route from intimacy.

You may also have changed in some ways - hormonal symptoms, tensions, loss, etc., causing him to respond differently.

Try to talk to him about these possibilities, without blame.

If he won’t discuss it or attempt any changes, see a lawyer and learn your rights and financial status in case of separation. Then tell hubby what the stakes are, and suggest a health check and couples’ counselling.

At that point alert your children that you’re trying everything possible to stay together, but if nothing works, you’ll strongly consider a split.

I’m in my teens and get annoyed with the way my best friend acts when we’re with a group and do appropriate teen stuff. She’ll go all drama queen and say, “You’re embarrassing me.” But when it’s just us, she’ll totally open up! 

She doesn’t handle criticism well; she’ll go defensive.

She wasn’t this way before high school. I still care about her.

- Ottawa Pals

High school often brings changes in how teens project their image. 

If the group finds fun acting goofy and/or noisy, she may not, even though she’s fun loving when with close pals like you.

Not all friends want to do the same things, and part of growing up is 1) finding the courage to not be the same as everyone else; 2) allowing friends to be different.

See her on her own, rather than the group get-together. It’s a better time for both of you to relate.