I’m 28, male, divorced with a son; when a female friend confessed love, I was scared, not ready. But, when she went running with another single male, I feared it was a date, and stated my love. 

One night when we were intimate, she got a call. I could see it was a text from that guy, but she said it was from her girlfriend. We talked things through, but I was angry. I did act jealous; I didn’t like that she’d lie to my face.

She’s never before acted secretively about her male friends.

I requested to meet this guy. She got defensive and resented my suspicious “tone.” Eventually, she said she’d not contact him anymore.

But recently, after completing a half marathon, she acted funny when I asked who was sending their congratulations. She reluctantly showed me her phone and there was this guy’s message. I was again angered.

She broke down, apologizing for lying twice about him. She then suggested counselling.

- Confused

Jealousy + Defensiveness = Relationship Anxiety – an equation for which counselling is a wise step toward a solution. 

To change this negative pattern, you need to each voice your expectations of what being a couple entails, and reveal your emotional needs from a partner. It’s a conversation that can best be handled with professional help; a therapist is trained to help you express inner concerns arising from your previous marriage and divorce, and help her see the compromise needed between her right to having male friends and her need to be sensitive to your feelings.

My friend’s dog poops wherever it chooses, and she just laughs. She scoops and gets rid of it elsewhere, but she gets offended if you tell her to keep her beloved “Baby” outside. 

What should I do?

- Annoyed

Go to her place, or meet at a neutral spot. Make it clear that you don’t accept pet poo in your home, no matter how precious its producer.

I’d decided to rebuild damaged sibling relationships by befriending my sister on Facebook. 

My brother accused me of trouble-making, stating I was just trying to allow her access to photos of his child that I have on my page. He hates our sister. I removed his kid’s pictures to respect his wishes and had no ill intentions, but he keeps making up different reasons as to why he has a problem with me being “Facebook friends” with my sister, always blaming me for some wrong or other.

He’s always been a control freak. We stopped talking for a year in 2006 because of that. He wants me to hate her too.

He’s unreasonable, selfish and difficult. I’m disliking and avoiding him more and more.

Should I just sever ties all together?

- Fed Up Sister

There appears to be a slippery slope awaiting you in each of these sibling relationships. If at all possible, I say walk a careful middle road between them. 

You can re-connect with your sister but it doesn’t have to be in a way that’s in your brother’s face. Call her, email her, meet with her.

As for Bossy Bro, tell him less and try to just keep the peace. He can’t control the behaviour he doesn’t know about, and surely you can be private about your involvement with Sis.

If all this becomes impossible, limit your exposure to siblings and keep the rest of your relationships as satisfying and uncomplicated as you can.

A co-worker’s always flirting with me; he’s getting married in a month. 

I really like him, and I respect him and his fiancé. I’m always asking how things are going with her, and he says its not going to work out. Yet he continues with his wedding plans.

Should I confront him about making it seem that he wants something to do with me, behind her back, or should I just back off?

- Uncertain

A “confrontation” would be looking for trouble, as this guy is obviously a player trying to set you up as his side interest to his marriage. This guy doesn’t deserve your respect since he’s disrespecting both you and his fiancé by his flirting. 

Even if he were only kidding around, his negative statements about the marriage are misleading and tasteless.

Next time he flirts, tell him he’s a bad risk for any woman, and walk away.