I’ve been trying for a while to get my husband to quit smoking.

He promised that he’d quit and he did, but started up again and lied to me about it.

He’s lied so many times that I can't believe him anymore. I’m so tired and I get so mad at him, but he seems to not care.

He gives me everything I want but I can't get what I want most.

He’s tried quitting three times since we’re together.

I have children with him and I love him dearly. I don't want to leave him over this but I can't help being mad at him when I know he smokes.

Confused and Upset

You undoubtedly want him to quit to avoid damage to his health. Perhaps also, you worry about any effects of second-hand smoke on yourself and your children.

But your approach comes across as a battle of wills and a divisive issue between you and your husband. That won’t work.

Smoking is so addictive that it’s almost impossible to convince someone to quit if they don’t determine and want to do so.

There are other approaches that work better than insistence and anger. One is suggesting that you and the kids want him around for many years so would like him to have his lungs x-ray’d to see the effects to date of his smoking.

Another is to introduce him to different methods of quitting, showing that he’ll have your support throughout the process.

Do the research. There are smoking cessation clinics, for example, as well as a book that countless people say helped them quit – The Easy Way to Stop Smoking, by Allen Carr.

If you make this a team effort, by being on his side and trying to be helpful, he may do better.

My brother has joined an evangelical Christian church and has asked me to attend his immersion water baptism.
But I am pagan and believe there is more than just one way.
I’d like to be with my brother to celebrate that he’s finally found a faith that suits him.

But I’ve seen videos of the type of service this will be and honestly feel freaked out by it.
I am also concerned about the effect my presence might have on my brother if I did attend, as I’ve told him I don't share his beliefs (his answer was, that I would in time when I’m ready!)
How should I handle this situation?

Uncomfortable Sister

First, check out those videos as to their authenticity and application to his particular church. They may’ve been made to present the very negative view you’ve seen.

However, if you’re still uncomfortable, perhaps there’s a part of the ceremony you can be present for, before or after the immersion part.

If not, offer to celebrate with him immediately following whatever takes place at the church, such as taking him to lunch or dinner.

However, if you believe he mainly wants you there as part of a campaign to convince you to join too, it’s better to be honest and just decline, with a promise to see him elsewhere another time.

FEEDBACK Regarding the girl, 14, who misses her divorced dad (March 5):

Reader – “Custody arrangements aren’t written in stone, especially for a teenager.

“It might be possible for this girl to see her father more often.

“She should tell him she'd like to spend more time with him. If he’s willing, they should then talk to her mother about arranging additional visits.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the female who was panicked after having unprotected sex with her boyfriend (March 4):

Reader – “Please remind readers of the existence of the "morning-after" pill, a form of emergency contraception available at most pharmacies without a prescription.

“The pills can be taken up to 72 hours after unprotected sex or a contraceptive accident, such as a condom breaking.

“The pills work by preventing ovulation or fertilization of an egg. They do not have any impact if a woman has already become pregnant.

“The chance of pregnancy is greatly diminished if the pills are taken within the recommended time. Testing for sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) is still recommended, as is follow-up at a clinic as appropriate. Plus planning for future contraceptive needs.”

Ellie – Some STI’s are common today among sexually active people, and can be passed even when condoms have been used, notably HPV and Herpes.