My mother remarried 10 years ago; there are two children on the father’s side, both 20’s; I’m in 30’s. 

My mother is hard of hearing and sometimes cannot hear you if you try to speak to her from another room or if she’s preoccupied.

The problem is that at a gathering, the children and their father will shout her name several times instead of getting up and walking to her. It creates an uncomfortable situation.

I’m not embarrassed by my mom’s handicap, but by their insensitivity and ignorance.

Is there anything that I can say that would put them in their place but not start a fight?

I’m tired of watching Mom being treated disrespectfully.

- Protective Son

I “hear” something beneath your words – i.e. even after 10 years, you don’t have a positive, easy relationship with your step-Dad and his adult children, so this problem adds insult to injury for you. 

And I suspect your mother is less embarrassed than you are by their behaviour… but that does not make it right, either.

Please realize, however, that they’re not only acting disrespectfully, they also LOOK disrespectful to anyone around.

Try and make your point from the perspective of a solution for all. Tell them people notice them shouting when it’s obvious Mom can’t hear. Suggest if everyone tried harder to reach her, there’d be no such problem.

Don’t make this a battle about you wearing the shield of honour to protect her against them, but rather a family situation that needs to be resolved in a better way.

I was engaged for over three years to a man whom I thought was my soul mate. 

But he finally confessed that he’s a pothead and has been for 35 years. He phoned to tell me this!

I asked many questions about how he’s been hiding it from me; he uses it three to four times a week. When I asked if he had to chose between the pot or me, he went silent, and finally said we can talk about it.

I was crushed. He only told me because his brother had made him feel guilty.

Ellie, you know the saying about the fury of “a woman scorned!” I set that loser up, and had him charged with possession, then I went to his workplace and told his boss about it, and also family members. Did I do the right thing?

I’m angry because he wasted three years of my life, yet still find myself thinking of the good times we had. His reasoning for using is that it mellows him out. Is he addicted?

- Scorned

Yes, he’s addicted. 

No, you were wrong to be so vindictive.

Though the charges and disapproval from others may even serve as a wake-up call to him, there were kinder, better ways to go about it. You weren’t trying to help him, you were looking for revenge. I’d say it’s unlikely he’ll thank you for your methods, no matter the end result.

Instead, you could’ve told him straight up that you could not stay in a relationship with him if he continued to be drug-addicted; and then left. If he wanted you enough, he hopefully would’ve tried to quit.

Now, you’re nostalgic about good times and trying to understand his motives. Wrong move, again.

If you take him back without assurance that he’s gone through a process to end his addiction, with support, he’ll find it easy to use again.

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, and nothing’s changing, except the sex, which is missing. He acts closer to me than ever; and I don’t think he’s cheating. 

I’ve asked if he’s lost in interest in me and he always says no, yet we still don’t have sex.

We do have many issues.

We’re still living at his parents’ house and he’s now 28.

I’m ready to grow up, move, and start our life together. What do I do?

- Unsure

Grow up and move. If he doesn’t come along, leave him with his parents. 

It’s clear your sex life together will never improve while you remain dependent “kids.” Even if you move together, give time to re-connecting your intimacy.

If there’s still a lag, go for couples’ counselling.

Do NOT “start a life” as partners until you’re both comfortable behaving as committed, loving and affectionate equals.