My girlfriend and I have been together for three months; we dated casually for four months prior. We have a strong physical connection and are very happy when together, however, we live in different cities. 

Both of us feel jealous when we’re apart and regularly argue about it.

I don’t have a reason to feel jealous, but I’m so attracted to her that I sometimes feel strong emotions of jealousy.

She, on the other hand, feels very jealous because when we were dating, I kissed my ex-girlfriend and two other girls. She knows this, because once we became a couple, I felt that being honest was the right thing to do. Besides, when we were only dating casually, I hadn’t felt that I was being unfaithful.

Unfortunately I ended up hurting her and breaking her trust.

She’s been distrustful since, and has broken into my e-mail and questioned conversations.

I’ve been faithful to her since we became official but when we’re apart I sometimes feel like giving up and that’s what scares me.

Is this the kind of relationship that can mature into a loving respectful one?

- Sincerely confused

It won’t last if you both keep up the drama. 

Your mistakes were in “telling,” and then not recognizing that a major apology was needed, not justifications. A kiss is not an emotional affair, especially if it’s not repeated, and occurred before you committed to this girlfriend; BUT, she wasn’t as “casual” as you thought.

Her mistake was in agreeing to a long-distance relationship if she’s unable to stop snooping and distrusting.

You two need to sit down and talk out whether you can handle this situation rationally, believe in each other, and work toward a time when one of you will move to the other’s city.

I split with my ex-boyfriend six years ago; two years ago, I made it clear that I’m solely interested in a platonic friendship with him. I enjoy our conversations when we occasionally meet at weddings, conferences and other events, but I don’t feel attracted to him and have been in other relationships since. 

Nevertheless, he keeps sending me “I want to f… you” emails. I didn’t react to the first two, now I’ve received the third one, and wrote back asking him stop writing to me in this way.

He reacted insulted, claiming that he was just “being himself” and “expressing the way he felt” and that every time he “tried to get close to me, I was just hurting him.”

I feel extremely disrespected.

He always uses, “this is the way I feel” to justify any transgressions.

I’d wanted to have a friendship with a person who meant a lot to me for a large part of my life. Or is this a bad idea?

- Feeling Molested

He’s the wrong guy for friendship. His message is rude, aggressive, insulting. He’s trying to hold onto you in some way, and using what he thinks is a sexy come-on to assert his connection to you, despite that it’s from the past. Even if you think “over,” he’s convinced it’s not over until he says so.  

Drop him from your correspondence, be cool and offhand when you occasionally bump into him. Every time you let him write that phrase or say it to you – given the circumstances – you allow him to disrespect you.

And his logic is flawed; since “being himself” is obnoxious, it’s proof positive that he’s not a man for you to even like anymore.

I recently discovered that my husband of 20 years has been self-medicating with prescription drugs for pain, for three years after surgery. He used to steal my pain pills that I desperately need! I had to lock them up. 

He’s now living with his father and blames me for his lying.

I’ve never wanted to be without him but he’s chosen his drug of choice. I’ve invested my life into this family of ours.

How can I get him to come clean about his drug abuse?

- Wits’ End

If you want him back, show interest in his health, and his pain. Go with him to the doctor, ask about pain management clinics, and encourage discussion of prescription drug use and over-use, so he hears the negative health effects.  

Also, get informed about Narcotics’ Anonymous (www.na.org), a nonprofit group for men and women for whom drugs are a major problem.