I was with an American wounded warrior for a year. He’s 22 now, missing his right leg below the knee, with extensive damage on his left leg. His right arm, wrist, and fingers were also seriously injured, but he regained lots of use from physical and occupational therapy at Walter Reed Military Medical Center.
I met him while he was still at the hospital, and spent months with him during his rehabilitation. I did much of his physical therapy. We became inseparable.

I helped him transition to the civilian world where his parents’ basement was being made wheelchair accessible.

Until then, he needed considerable help. I bathed him, helped him get dressed, even changed his prosthetic leg.

I gave up what little I had, and what goals I had, to be there and take care of him. He really loved me, too.
After three months of constant togetherness, he changed. He went back on narcotics, about 40mg per day. All he wanted to do was play video games.... 20 hours straight.

He had no sex drive whatsoever. I understood that it was from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) but he refused to admit or address it.

He was very inconsistent with what he liked, and his decisions. He changed his college major three times in the first semester he started.
But, I had much hope and faith that he’d get past it. I’d even play video games with him.

I didn't have a car, job, or goals (I was not yet 18). I lived for him. I didn't have much stimulation or any friends.

He lived a very secluded life and I adapted to that, though I’d previously been very friendly and social.

I became pregnant after six months together. I had a miscarriage, but he was dead set on me getting rid of it anyway. I understood that he couldn't be a father at that time.

It screwed up my hormones, which made me emotional. He hated it when I cried. I lost weight and was never hungry.
I eventually decided it’d be better not to live with him, so I could get a job and have my own life.

When I moved out, he broke up with me, disabled my phone, and blocked me from everything. He called me two weeks later crying. We got together, and then a couple days later he broke up with me and blocked me again.
It's been six months and I dream about him nightly.

I can't get him out of my mind, can’t stop thinking about why he just got rid of me.

I'm angry frequently, don't trust anyone, and can't like or love. I have severe abandonment problems.

I saw him recently at a wounded warrior fundraiser event and I immediately asked if I could get him anything. He barely acknowledged my presence.

I tried emailing and texting him but he said, "I just don't get why you can't move on."

Why do I love and care about him after he's hurt me so much?

Collateral Damage

It’s difficult to heal from deep emotional wounds, alone. It’s even harder due to your youth, and giving nature.

You’ve suffered the fallout from his PTSD, as the person closest to him. You’ve understood – and still can – that he’s stuck in his own pain-filled world, lashing out when he can’t handle it.

Attend a support group for families of wounded warriors. Talk to a therapist experienced with PTSD sufferers. You’ll find you’re not alone.

I had a four-year relationship with a man I considered my “best friend.” He cheated on me, denied it, made me feel crazy. He broke up with me over the telephone and years later married his lover. I was heartbroken.

I'm now living with the man of my dreams and we're talking marriage, children. But, partly, I fear the same thing will happen, I'll get my heart broken by an affair. What do I do?

Fearing a Repeat

Look closely at your assessments - one man was your “best friend,” the next, the “man of your dreams.”

Think about why you idealized each of them. Hopefully, after past experience and time, this man you’ve chosen has different behaviour patterns, and you have realistic expectations.

BUT, if there are similarities, you may be choosing the “same” guy, and your fears come from gut instinct.

If so, talk to a counselor to probe your own patterns.