I love my wife very much, but she says she has no feelings for sex. She's told me to go find a girlfriend who'll have sex with me. I don't feel right with this.
She's only cordial to me when she wants something - like, take her to dinner or make her car payment, etc. This situation is making me sick (really).
I'm lonely and neglected, starving for some attention from my wife.
Is divorce the answer?
- Desperate
You're already divorced from intimacy, affection and nurturing. Ask yourself what you get out of this marriage as your loneliness seems to overshadow all else.
However, before you give up on her, try to get your wife to state clearly why she has no interest in sex, why she married you, and what she expected from her rejecting you.
If she's lost the libido she once had, she owes it to both of you to see a doctor and look into treatment.
If it's an emotional change and she wishes to stay married, she should be willing to go to counseling with you.
If all you get back from this conversation is a negative response, your best chance for future happiness is to move on and seek mutual love with someone else.
I'm 27, the single mother of a son who's seven, and going back to school to get my degree.
Five months ago, I started dating a guy who seemed really great and understanding about my having a son and that I also have a chronic illness.
Within six weeks, he said he loved me; I already knew I loved him.
Before Christmas, he started pulling away, trying to break up with me because he claimed that he sabotages his relationships because he doesn't want to get hurt. (He was once engaged to a girl who cheated on him.) But we stayed together.
In January he travelled with my son and me to visit my family.
In February he pulled away again.
Then he said he was going to have a conversation about our relationship with his father; he also said he was concerned about my illness, which had flared up a little.
Days later, he broke up with me over the phone. What hurts the most is that he said, in the long run, I wasn't good enough for him. He has a great job, his own house, and no financial worries; while I have debt from being divorced, and not so great a job. But that's why I'm going to school, so I can get a better job and pay off my debt. I hope he finds the one that will be his everything, I've missed him terribly.
I struggle daily to not call him.
- Struggling
Sorry, but he's a jerk. He rushed you into feeling secure, went off to meet your family even when he had doubts, involved an impressionable young boy in your time together, and then pushed you both away.
Meanwhile, he knew from the start exactly who you are and your circumstances; and he also already knew he wants a "picture-perfect" wife of whom his Dad will approve.
As a single Mom with the gumption to do all you're doing to get ahead, you need to eventually find a MAN, not a wimp like him. Do not phone him.
My high-school sweetheart of four years, and I, recently announced our engagement; he's 19, I'm 20.
However, he's physically abusive - particularly, after we've had really big arguments.
I've tried to forgive him and he promises to change (likely story) but he's hit me three times, and I think he probably will not change.
I asked everyone's opinion pretending it was someone else, and they all said they would leave if they were hit more than once, because it'll likely occur again.
Should I forgive him again, or finally move on? How does one determine when to put forth the effort to make things work, or when it's time to let go?
- Torn
When you're the only one trying to fix a serious problem, forget it.
Forgiveness isn't enough to stop a guy's fist; he needs to learn how to manage his temper and control his outbursts.
More important to you, he needs to feel that he cannot and MUST NOT harm you.
Trust your gut instinct and save yourself from major grief. Break off completely. He needs to make those changes on his own.
Tip of the day:
A loveless marriage can be lonelier than living on your own.