I took up knitting during COVID and have kept it up. Obviously, at the time with everyone home, I could knit but still be part of the family. I picked it up less in the year or so when COVID was basically over, as I was busy with my family and not wanting to sit at home alone.
But now that everything has found a balance again, and my kids are older and need me less, I’ve gone back to knitting. I found a place where I can go and be among like-minded people. The sessions are called Stitch and Bitch.
And therein lies the problem: there is one woman who attends who is an absolute B-I-T-C-H. She’s just not a nice person. I’ve given her the benefit of the doubt; I’ve attended almost 10 sessions that she has also been at and have had to listen to her and the vitriol that comes out of her mouth.
The sessions are supposed to be fun: light-hearted, a place to ask any knitting questions, but to also just chatter – about anything and everything. Do we get on a roll complaining about the bike lanes? Sure. Do we get heated talking about the amount of homeless people in our city? Yes. Do we sometimes veer into a messy debate on politics? Absolutely. But NO ONE is mean, cruel, nasty or vicious. And if it gets too hot, as it did on one occasion, the two women who were going head-to-head were asked to leave, to get fresh air, to come back with coffees if they were able. And they did!
But this woman is just nasty. She’s rude and unkind. None of us know how to deal with her.
Fed Up
From your letter, it’s unclear who runs these knitting sessions. Could the person in charge not ask this woman to leave if she is upsetting everyone? Is there more than one session that a person can sign up for? Could you attend a different session on a different day, at a different time? Are you the only person who feels as you do?
Assuming there are no other options, the best choice, FOR YOU, would be to distance yourself. Find another knitting group. Or invite the knitters you like to your place. If indeed other people feel the same way you do, they’ll start to leave too, and then the knitting shop will recognize that asking one woman not to attend will be less financially ruinous than seeing the rest of the group walk away.
My grandmother is sick and my mom cries every day. My parents divorced a few years ago and my dad moved to another country. He never liked my grandmother anyway. I know my mom is doing her best to keep our family going, by still going through our normal routines, but she’s just so sad.
My brother and I want to help but we’re only teenagers, in school, and we don’t even drive. My friend’s mom thought you might have some ideas.
Sad Mom
I’m so sorry about your grandmother. And I’m sorry that your mom is sad all the time. It must be so hard for her. My suggestion is to just be thoughtful and kind. Avoid any unnecessary arguments, whether about getting to school on time, homework, weekend curfews or any disputes with your brother. Try to just rise above the little stuff for your mom’s sake.
Offer her help any way you can. Would she like you to fold some laundry? Bake cookies? Walk your brother to karate? And most importantly, give her LOTS of hugs. She needs to feel loved, supported and needed.
FEEDBACK Regarding the sister in Costa Rica with the ageing dad at home (Dec. 4):
Reader – “If the family lives in Ontario, she should immediately contact Ontario Health at Home (https://ontariohealthathome.ca/) about support. This is a very new initiative that my husband is currently benefiting from. I don’t know if they’ll need a referral from her father’s family doctor, but she can ask. Their website explains which phone number to call, depending on their region.
“I’m pretty sure she won’t have to pay for private PSWs. My husband has daily nurse visits to change the dressing on a very large open abdominal wound after hernia surgery damaged his innards.”
“I have cared for my mother, aunt, father and now husband at home. When I was caring for my aunt, there were times I needed to buy groceries when I felt like just driving and never going back. I understand the overwhelm, but the ones left behind need support.”