While shopping at a large grocery store over the weekend, the power suddenly went out. There were lights in various areas (I assume emergency lighting), and it was the middle of the afternoon, so there was plenty of light coming in through the large picture windows that line one of the walls. It was still, however, slightly disconcerting.

The lights came back on quickly and some of the employees mentioned it had happened earlier in the day. And then, less than 10 minutes later, it happened again. Most people continued with their shopping, unfazed this second time around.

As soon as the lights came back on again, I noticed a man putting some items in his backpack. He didn’t see me and I didn’t “out” him. It isn’t sitting well with me though…. why do people feel the need to steal?

Guilty by Association

I don’t believe that in this situation you are guilty by association. You did nothing wrong. That man, you think, looked like he was stealing. But who knows? Maybe he had purchased whatever you saw in his hands at a different store and was comparing prices. Maybe whatever you saw in his hands was already in the bag, already owned by him, not even a grocery product.

You can’t be sure unless, you’re sure. And in your letter, you don’t sound sure.

Also, though stealing is a criminal activity and I certainly do NOT condone that behaviour, do you really want to get involved? He wasn’t stealing a car, or thousands of dollars. Maybe he only had enough money for bread and cheese but saw an opportunity to grab cookies for his kids. Again, I’m NOT condoning his behaviour, I’m just suggesting you don’t get involved in this one and don’t beat yourself up over it.

My sister has been single forever. Her husband left her for another woman when their children were still single digits. She has raised them on her own as he was barely around.

But the kids are now late 20s, working in their fields of interest and living on their own (they actually live together). My sister deserves to have someone in her life, and not just a booty call. No one has taken care of her in years. She has been alone for too long.

I just want her to be happy. How can I help?

Sisterly Love

I’m assuming you’ve spoken with her, and she has mentioned that she would like a partner. I ask because you wanting her to have someone to look after her isn’t the same as her wanting that same type of relationship. See what I mean? Perhaps your sister is fine, maybe even happy, on her own, living her life on her terms, answering to no one. Maybe she likes taking care of herself and wouldn’t dream of having anyone take care of her.

Talk to her. If she is looking for a relationship, one in which her partner will care for her, then help her set up an online profile and get on some dating apps. Keep your eyes and ears open for available men for her.

Think out of the box. Do things with her where other singles may be, such as a CrossFit class, a wine tasting event, a concert or other fun event. Just make sure it’s something she’s slightly interested in, in case the person she meets is a diehard fan.

Invite her everywhere you go so she’s not alone and lonely. But don’t push her. Be there for her, love her, and enjoy each other’s company.

FEEDBACK Regarding the man worn down (Nov. 10):

Reader – “How sad.  Yet another case demonstrating the dangers of pot, especially for those with significant psychiatric issues. And there is a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.  While this can develop later in life in response to stresses of the kind this woman has experienced, the condition is usually there beforehand but much milder.

“He might find it helpful to examine her behaviour before all this trauma to see if she exhibited signs of the condition.  It won’t change his current problem, but it may help him understand that there probably isn’t going to be a cure and that he’s entitled to move on.

“Comparing a severe mental illness to cancer isn’t being fair to himself.  Cancer patients are still the same people, but someone with a severe mental affliction is not.  Martyring himself won’t cure her so he doesn’t have to sacrifice himself to a future of loneliness and grief.”