A few weeks ago, while shopping in a big box store, I witnessed two elderly women, speaking in a language I didn’t understand (that is, not English, French, Spanish or Italian), while loudly walking down every aisle. They were very animated, and I thought they were cute!

But then another woman started speaking to them in English, which I really don’t think they understood. The conversation got heated, even though I’m not sure anyone knew what the other was saying. The two elderly women started to walk away, but the other woman came after them. She then grabbed one of the women by the arm, and that woman turned around and smacked her.

The next thing I knew, the manager was there, yelling at the two elderly women to leave and never come back. I tried to speak to the manager, but he told me to mind my own business, or I could leave too.

Since I don’t speak the women’s language, it felt useless to try to help, so I carried on my way. But the whole thing isn’t sitting well with me. What should I do?

Language Barrier

I suggest calling and speaking to a manager, but preferably not the manager you already encountered. Explain everything that you witnessed, just as you explained it to me. The worst thing the manager can say has already been said, so you have nothing to lose.

They must have an in-store camera system that could prove that the woman’s remarks were unprovoked, and that she grabbed the elderly woman first. I’m not in any way condoning the smack, however, if someone grabbed me by surprise, I might smack them back in reflexive self-defence too.

Someone else might advise you to heed the manager’s warning and mind your own business, but if it’s not sitting well with you, your conscience will keep you up at night.

While walking down the street yesterday, I watched as a young child broke the head off a beautiful flower. I waited, assuming the parent would say something. A perfect teachable moment. But they didn’t; instead laughed and patted the child on the cheek.

Appalled, I approached the parent and remarked that I had just seen what their child had done. I made it clear that I wasn’t angry with the child, nor was it my garden. But I do love gardening and would be stunned if anyone did that to my flowers.

I asked why the parent hadn’t said anything to their child to teach them that their behaviour was unkind and thoughtless. She turned around and threw her iced coffee in my face!

Was I in the wrong?

Cold-caffeinated

From your description, you didn’t deserve an icy beverage dousing, but I believe you did overstep. Again, from your description, the child made a common child error, nothing to be irate over. But as you remarked, an open door for a teachable moment, about our environment, living things, ecology, other people’s property, etc., and all age-appropriate, of course.

However, it wasn’t your child, it wasn’t your garden, it wasn’t YOUR moment. Yes, it would be nice if everyone was as thoughtful as you clearly seem to be about all the above; and yes, we need to teach our children right from wrong so they can behave appropriately. But you can’t go around inserting your beliefs on your timeline.

Just to be contentious, perhaps it wasn’t their child; perhaps they didn’t speak your language and thought you were saying something else; perhaps it was the only thing that had calmed the child down after hours of crying. Tread more carefully before judging.

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