I am suffering every possible symptom of menopause and I’m miserable. I sleep as far away from my husband as possible because every breath he takes, every snore, every grunt makes me angry. Also, I’m either sweating so much I’m lying in a pool of sweat, or I’m freezing and need several blankets.

All this temperature fluctuation, coupled with my husband’s mere existence, makes for a terrible nights’ sleep, so I wake up exhausted and grumpy. I try to be kind to my children, but I have no patience for my husband – especially because I’m mad at him for keeping me awake. And then I go to work where I am downright mean to everyone in my office.

I’m also moody and if I don’t really, REALLY like you, I’m probably mean to you too. I’ve been known to snap at people in the grocery store who just say hey. This probably isn’t making me very popular.

Something’s got to change. What do I do?

(Wo)Men-o-Pause

Oh girl! You need to see your doctor and hopefully they can refer you to a specialized menopause clinic. You do not need to suffer so badly! There are multiple ways to get help. Hopefully your doctor will discuss with you your lifestyle, diet, your stress levels and what causes them, and your sleep habits. That’s the most non-invasive place to start…. And if that doesn’t do the trick, there are medications, such as Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) which can help greatly.

Until you get the help you need, remember to breathe. Taking a few breaths in, holding for a few seconds longer, and taking even longer to exhale helps calm the nervous system. This should help you at work and the grocery store, and even with your husband.

It may also help if you tell him what’s bothering you. Try to remember that he can’t help breathing, grunting etc. when he’s asleep. So, he’s not doing anything purposefully to annoy you. But it will help him accept your grumpiness if he knows why you’re “angry” with him in the mornings.

I recently went to the theatre with my elderly mother who is barely five feet tall. The person sitting in front of her was on the tall side, as was the person in front of me. We gently pointed out my mother’s height deficiency and wondered aloud if they could scootch down in their seats, to give her a better viewing chance. They were happy to oblige.

Unfortunately, throughout the whole first act, the person in front of her squirmed and changed positions so many times, my mom was exhausted from craning her neck this way and that. After intermission, I switched spots with my mom, thinking the person who had been in front of me wouldn’t mind staying scooched. But they did mind and sat as tall as possible.

Eventually we just had to leave. I understand that being tiny is my mom’s issue, but can’t people be nicer about it? She’s 90!

Miniature Mama

While reading your question I wondered, “Why didn’t they just offer to switch rows with you?” But not everyone is sympathetic or thoughtful. Try purchasing seats in the first row of a section and bring a booster (no joke!).

FEEDBACK Regarding grandparent alienation (March 12):

Reader #1 – “Grandparent alienation is a form of elder abuse and recognized in many countries. Is this daughter-in-law close with her siblings or parents? Sometimes it’s simple jealousy. My son-in-law took home nail clippers or anything his child liked better at our house. He emptied me out before we realized what was happening. And it wasn’t because his child asked for the items. It was to remove all fun or interesting things from my home.”

Reader #2 – “I think the grandparents may have political views or ideas that are directly opposed to the parents' views.

I've had a similar experience with my elderly mother. Her neighbours are wonderful and take care of her when I can't.

“However, they’re pro-Trump, anti-vaxxers and are very racist. When I speak to them for any length of time they bring up their political beliefs and rants. I put up with it because they're so good with my mom.

“If I had children, I would never, ever leave them in the care of these people. I can't imagine the damage they would do with their opinions. They are grandparents and can't understand why none of their children bring the grandchildren over to see them.

“I think these grandparents (in the letter) should think about their opinions and beliefs because they might be directly opposed to those of their son and his wife.”