When I met my wife, I had a cool job downtown. I ran this little bodega where we sold all kinds of ethnic food products, cooked homemade dishes out of the back, and transformed into a club on the weekends. It was awesome! Perfect bachelor lifestyle.

Then I met my wife. All was good until we started our family. I just felt I wasn’t home enough and at the right times to be a present father and husband. I closed my store and switched into a corporate gig. I hated it, but the hours were right, as was the income.

Ten years later and I’m still slogging it in the corporate world. I got a “break” from the rat race during those Covid years, which I loved! I’ve resisted the return with everything I could, but I’m back – and hating it!

Can I go back to my bodega life? I don’t want to be a bachelor again, but I miss the lifestyle, the atmosphere and the reduced stress.

Corpo-rat race

You can do anything you want to do…. as long as you and your wife agree that it’ll work for your family and your marriage. If your wife believes going back to bodega life, as you call it, will still allow your family to flourish, then go for it. If she doesn’t, for whatever reason, then you need to figure out a way to get out of the rat race but still be a present equal partner in your marriage and family life.

Life-work balance isn’t always that easy to obtain. Be persistent and patient and it will all fall into place.

I never wanted children and made that abundantly clear to all suitors. Two made the mistake of thinking I would “come around.” They lied to me about understanding my limits and ended up wasting both of our time.

You’d think I would have learned my lesson. Now I’ve fallen head over heels for someone who keeps joking that he’s going to “knock me up” just to piss me off. I am so confused as to what he means by that, but I’m afraid to ask. I don’t even recognize this side of myself.

In all honesty, I’m starting to question if maybe I do want to have children with this man. But I feel so hypocritical! What do I do?

Confused about Kids

Let me be abundantly clear: You are allowed to change your mind. What you wanted or didn’t want when you were in your 20s is often not the same as what you want in your 30s, or 40s or 50s. And it is for no one to judge.

When you were younger, you were adamant that having children was not in your cards. The two men you were with believed otherwise. At that time, they were not the right men for you, and trying to change you was their mistake.

But now you’ve found a man you love and want to share your life with, which may include having a child together. That’s wonderful! If it’s what you want.

Bottom line: do what feels right for you. My only warning is that if you do decide to have a child, you can’t change your mind back. So really delve deep and know that this decision is life altering. That’s not meant to scare you, rather to impress upon you the permanence of this decision and why you need to make sure it’s really what you want and not a passing feeling that you’ll wake up and regret.

Children are the greatest extension of your being, but they are also yours for life; for better or for worse.

FEEDBACK Regarding vanishing neighbours (Dec. 12):

Reader – “If you still feel suspicious after meeting the new neighbours, you could ask your local real estate company to quietly investigate the sale of the house. Be sure to let them know why you are suspicious and that you would like to know if it was sold legally, or do they see a scam going on that the police should be involved!

“This happened to my brother, 42 years ago; he was in a serious accident and his house was sold out from under him while he lay in a coma near death for a month in the hospital. It turned out that his ex-girlfriend sold his house. We never did hear the outcome of his property, nor did he get money from the sale.

“It’s such a shame that there are so many different scams going on involving house sales and rentals!”