My girlfriend is not a morning person. She wakes up looking like she’s been hit by a truck, can barely open her eyes, and merely grunts in passing. No words come out of her mouth until after she’s showered and had a coffee. She still doesn’t like to speak, but will respond if spoken to, until after she’s dressed, done whatever she needs to do, and is in the car on her way to work.

When we first started dating, this wasn’t an issue because we were never together in the morning. And the first few times we spent the night together, the mornings were an extension of the evenings. Even the first time we went on vacation, this wasn’t an issue. We lounged in bed, got up together and seemed in sync.

Now that we’ve been together over six months, we have had nights where I have stayed at her place during the work week. The mornings have not been pleasant. The first time she showed her true morning personality, I joked about it at dinner the next day – and we had our first real argument. I thought it was a one-off, but no, that’s her in the mornings.

And she refuses to stay over at my place if she needs to work the next day because she can’t get her s-t together to bring whatever she needs or wake up early enough to go home first. Is this a deal breaker?

Morning Madness

It might be a deal breaker – for both of you. For whatever reason, her internal clock doesn’t like mornings. Maybe she has sleep apnea and isn’t getting enough deep sleep to restore and recharge. Maybe she’s just not going to bed early enough. Maybe she lies awake all night anxious. She should be exploring what makes mornings so difficult for her for her own benefit.

But if her morning grumpiness doesn’t jive with your get-up-and-go, you two may not be a match for very long. You’ve only been together six months; you don’t have to make a commitment.

I suggest talking about it with her. She may not realize just how grumpy she is. She may be open to exploring ways to manage her sleep and her waking mood. Or not.

I once knew a couple where the wife slept in every day until 11 a.m. – even when her children were very, very young. Her husband accepted this as her routine and was a single parent every morning, adjusting his schedule to wake, dress, feed and transport the children to school or wherever. They made it work because they chose to make it work.

My point is, at this stage in your relationship, don’t feel put upon by each other’s ways. You don’t have to suffer through…. you don’t HAVE to stay together.

My four-year-old daughter is celebrating her birthday with a “Frozen” themed party. I have gone to great lengths to find anything and everything Elsa, Olaf and Arendelle related.

Yesterday, while walking down the street, I saw a woman carrying two kids’ shovels with “Frozen” themed scoops. Excited to find something so perfectly seasonal, I stopped, said “Excuse me,” and asked where she found the shovels. Her response was so rude and unhelpful, I can’t even print it here.

Why oh why would someone respond that way?

Shell shocked

What a terrible experience! I’m so sorry!

I love a good theme party, so I’m all over your desire to find the right “swag” – even though it’s for a four-year-old.

Let that person’s negative energy flow right off you. Do NOT let it creep into your veins. Now that you know they exist, go online and search for the shovels. Enjoy the party!

FEEDBACK Regarding the controlling wife (Nov. 30):

Reader – “I’m appalled at the nerve of the sister who told her sister what she makes her husband do when it comes to using the toilet.  As a guy who shared living space with a woman and another guy, I believe I was the more conscientious of the three when it came to using the toilet and making sure it was clean for the others’ use.  The shower and tub were an area of contention due to loose body hair; after a shower I made sure to clean up after myself whereas the other two didn't do so.

“As to whether it’s better for a man to urinate standing up or sitting down, it’s generally easier to do so standing up for obvious reasons, whereas when sitting down it can prove messier due to one's physical condition, alertness, and the position of the body in relation to the toilet seat, etc.”