My mother had me at 16. She admits it wasn’t her finest moment, but for her there was no other choice (once she realized she was pregnant). The father chose to never be involved.
My mom did an amazing job raising me, with plenty of help from my grandparents, but mainly my grandmother as my grandfather died young. We were three generations of women living under one roof. It was a loud home, filled with music, laughter and fiery personalities.
Just as I was finishing high school and heading to university, I discovered I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I were shocked as we’d been careful the few times we’d been intimate. My grandmother kept quiet; my mother didn’t want me to copy her mistakes. My head wanted to abort, but my heart wanted to keep the baby. I kept thinking what would’ve happened if my mom had aborted me. My boyfriend wanted to stay together, but his parents insisted he attend university, and he headed out East.
I followed my heart, switched to a local university, and got a part-time job to make money. It wasn’t easy but I finished my first year with Honours and saved a good chunk of money. My relationship waned, but my boyfriend opened a savings account for the baby and put money in when he could.
The baby was born, and my boyfriend came home for the Spring to work and help. Shocking us all, he fell in love with his child and switched universities to be closer to her. This also helped save money as he could live at home rent-free.
It was a tough few years, but we weathered it, parented our child together, graduated from university and now live together with my mom, since my grandmother passed. I couldn’t have done any of this without the support of the women around me, including my mother-in-law.
How can I get the message across to my mother that I am nothing without her?
Mothers
Your question is more of a poignant love letter to your mother. I thought of saving it for Mother’s Day but I’m posting it today in honour of my mother’s birthday.
Your grandmother, your mother, and even your mother-in-law came together, a band of women, to support you, to help you, to buoy you along on the sea of life with their love. There’s nothing more anyone can ask for in this world. Your grandmother did it for your mom, and they both did it for you.
With their support, and the support of your boyfriend’s parents, you and your now-husband have created a flourishing family. It’s a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.
I have a problem with my upstairs neighbours. They make lots of noise. They stomp around and follow me and my daughter to the bathroom and listen to us talk. They follow us all over the apartment. This happens every day, all day long. We’re tired of it.
My daughter is in a wheelchair. I believe they’re doing this because she’s in a wheelchair and we are Black. We told our landlord about them, but he hasn't done anything.
My daughter is the only one in a wheelchair in this apartment building.
Tired of being bullied
I believe you when you say you’re being bullied, and you probably aren’t wrong as to why. There are no justifiable reasons to bully someone. Period.
If you are in Toronto, you could contact the Federation of Metro Tenants’ Associations (FMTA) hotline. Or you can look up the organization in your area. Unfortunately, unless your neighbours do something illegal, it’s hard to prove bullying, especially in this case since it’s being done from their own home.
Sadly, you may have to move, which I know is easier said than done.
FEEDBACK Regarding the no children wedding (Aug. 2):
Reader – “I married an Italian man in 1972 with 250 guests. We rocked the whole Italian tradition! I’m British. We had ‘please no children under 14’ printed on the invitation. Only the flower girl and ring bearer were children. A few Italian relatives, one with six kids under 14, replied ‘not attending’ but we were NOT BUDGING! It was a lovely wedding done our way and no regrets. A few people grumbled but still attended.
“Our daughter's rule was ... ‘if I don't know your phone number and I’ve never been to your house, you’re not invited to my wedding.’ She had a small 100 guest backyard event.
“Let the couple decide who attends their special event. PERIOD!”
Lisi – I agree, with two caveats: if parents are paying, they get some say. And if there are special circumstances, they should be taken into consideration.