I've been married for nine years, and I love my wife. She and my two beautiful young kids are everything for me. For the past two-to-three months, I've suspected she's cheating on me. I can't prove it, but I strongly feel it. I am very sad, and I don't know what to do.

Suffering

Don't rely on built-up suspicions that only get exaggerated in your mind. Talk to her. I didn't say confront, just talk. Tell her that you feel things are not as they should be, and that this disturbs you. Mention whatever it is that's aroused your gut instincts. Ask her if anything's going wrong in your marriage, which you two can work out and improve. Do NOT accuse. DO tell her that you love her.

Throughout this chat, she'll react in one way or another. If she starts yelling and diverts the discussion into you being jealous, or never home, or whatever, listen.... if she has a point, think about it. Try to talk it out together.

However, if she's just denying that anything's wrong and avoiding a full conversation, your instincts may be accurate. In that case, suggest marriage counselling to her, saying that you want to give the relationship another chance.

Despite decades of abuse (verbal, emotional, physical and sexual) by my family and spouses, I'm a stable adult and parent. But three years ago, when my sibling's daughter got involved with my son's father (i.e. ex-husband), I put my foot down with my mother when she declared the relationship was "no big deal" (my niece is 30 years younger than him, and was the flower girl at our wedding).

I said it was my mother's responsibility to intervene after my niece told me she refused to end the relationship. I was clear that this was the final straw and I'd cut ties with my mother and the family if she didn't intervene. (My ex cheated on me when I was pregnant with our son, and my family said/did nothing). It's disrespectful to me that any of them had relationships with him afterwards.

Now, she keeps sending me guilt-ridden emails that are deeply disturbing a reminder of how sick my family is. I don't respond. She doesn't accept the consequences - losing her grandchildren and me. How can I permanently end this toxic relationship?

Finished

You already cut ties... yet still worry over emails you could immediately delete. You haven't resolved this family matter, in your own mind.

Despite the unseemliness of the relationship with your ex, it's not something other family members can stop, if the two parties refuse. You're looking for family support that wasn't there in the past, and isn't possible in the present (on this issue).

These relatives easily rock your "stability". You'd benefit from some therapy at this time, to deal with situations over which you really have no control.

I'm writing from Singapore. What is the meaning of "dull?"

Confused

Since you're asking this of an advice columnist who deals with relationships, I'm going to assume that someone has told you that you, and/or your relationship, are dull. It would most likely mean that person wants more excitement in the dynamic between you two - more spontaneity, enthusiasm, fun. Try lightening up... it doesn't have to mean losing your sense of responsibility and solid values.

If this doesn't improve things, it may've just been an insensitive rude way of saying you two aren't a good match.

My wife has two daughters, 25, and 27. We get along fairly well, except the youngest girl is constantly coming over just to hang with her mom. She even stores food here. They text constantly and when my wife is off work and I'm working, the daughter will be here.

Recently, it was four out of five days until I asked her to take her food home. We've argued constantly and have broken up several times about this.

Crowded Home

The daughter's insecure, and feels needy of her mom. Your wife feels she must respond. But you reject any role as a stepfather, leaving them to cling closer.

Discuss with your wife what would be reasonable boundaries for you two to have some privacy (they already see each other when you're working, which is fair) and them to have a close relationship. Consider getting couples' counselling if you can't work it out.