I immediately hit it off with the only other female in my school program. We're working together on major term projects, which are crucial to us passing. I met her boyfriend of six years, and we all got along. We went to a party months ago and all drank a bit too much. My friend later passed out on the bed (my place). I was brushing my teeth when her boyfriend walked in and started caressing and kissing me.

At first, completely drunk, I reciprocated. When he started to try having sex with me, I clued in, stopped him, and went straight to bed. I'd thought he'd been cheating on her, from things he'd said in the past, but didn't realize it until this incident.

I've kept my mouth shut for months and nothing has been raised. I also realized I don't like her as much anymore (she's turned into a very "me-me-me" person). So I distanced myself from her other than just regarding school.

Now she's talking to me about breaking up with him and isn't sure she trusts him... I think it's better to keep my mouth shut, even though I think a good friend would tell her. But she has not been a very good friend at all lately. What do you think? PS. My grades really depend on term projects with her.

Uncertain Witness

Your first instinct is good - keep mum. Your second instinct to just protect yourself for gain at school, is a survival one, but wouldn't hold water if you were still good friends.

But you're missing the main message of this incident: When you drink so much that you're "completely drunk," you make stupid mistakes. Had you two stayed friends, this would've been a major issue between you if it were revealed. The boyfriend could've used it against you at any time. And, you did reciprocate.

Learning self-control and moderation are at least as important goals as getting ahead at school.

I'm sick of the gossip I encounter here in San Diego.

Recently, at a dance, the people in my group were humming along to a song. This guy who does not dance made an inappropriate reference about our humming.

He compared it to Milli Vanilli's lip-synching, which was a big hit for gossips a long time ago, but I found the comment lewd.

I am a person who does not care about celebrity gossip, including about Milli Vanilli and my mom was very insensitive about my feelings. She told me to get over it.

Rather than confronting this guy, she yelled at me for being too sensitive.

She too gossips around the house and finds his joke appropriate. How do I confront these people and tell them their attitude is very insensitive?

Sick of Gossip

Your annoying "gossip" deals in very old scandals, which is what happened when Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus were found out to not have used their own voices on their 1990 Grammy Award-winning album. So this guy who irritated you was trying to show off his knowledge of something no one could care about any more.

More important is that your mom doesn't really get how truly sensitive you are. Either this kind of social comment feels like a put-down to you, or your circle of California-based friends and even mom are way too consumed with so-called celebrity information. Find some friends with more like-minded interests to yours, and gossipy comments may be less bothersome.

I dated my husband for four years, without knowing life would become horrible when involved with my in-laws. He worked on a family farm where they also controlled his wages. It's hard to respect folks who are verbally cruel.

Later, I referred to my in-laws only as grandparents, where they were more accountable as they wanted to be perfect grandparents. I've now been married 25 years. My in-laws haven't changed, but I have.

We have a good marriage and an enjoyable family, something his parents cannot disrupt because we're very protective of our family. I've also realized they're burdened, tortured souls who had poor role models. They see life negatively whereas we embrace the good, bad, and ugly of life and are winning in showing our children how to positively react toward life's ups and downs.

Surviving In-laws

You've wisely found strategies that work in tough relationships. Congratulations!