My fiancée and I have been engaged for two months, after dating for three years. Two months ago, she also started a new job. She's developed an online friendship with a co-worker from another city's branch. Work-related chats escalated to more frequent chats, video chats, and story-writing collaboration.
She knew about my discomfort with the initial video chat, but continued to have more without my knowledge, which I discovered after learning about the writing collaboration.
I can't let this go. Things might've been innocent, but I feel the behavior was inappropriate and secretive. We don't live together yet, and one of her weak excuses was that I'm not around.
I've been asking her a million questions and I worry they're only chipping away at our trust.
Also, this argument follows her confiding she's freaked out by marriage and the whole wedding process - planning, being the center of attention, etc. It's left me hurt, sad, angry, and confused. She's everything to me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I don't want to do something stupid and lose her. What's a guy to do?
Am I Over-reacting?
Do the same thing she must do: Examine together whether her instant friendship is a form of escapism, or the result of a natural colleague friendship.
Then, both examine - honestly - whether you're given to jealous over-reacting, or this really does cross a line.
IF her anxiety about a wedding is serious, the first step is to calm her down. Consider a small ceremony for close family only, and either postpone a party till some months later, or limit the reception guests and the hoopla to what she can handle.
IF you're easily suspicious and jealous, recognize this and try to curb it, either on your own or with professional help.
Meanwhile, when she forms new work friendships with men you don't know, you should be introduced to them at some point so it's clear that she's happily attached, and the contact is only through work. She needs to agree to this, just as you'd need to consider her feelings, if you make new female friendships.
A close friend of mine in his early 20's has been in a horrible on/off relationship for about three years. The couple's breakups (which are quite frequent) have been a result of trust and disrespect issues.
But despite how terrible it's been, whenever they get back together, he talks about moving in with her, getting married, and having kids.
I just want him to be happy, but is it possible for something successful to come out of something that's been so toxic for so long?
Concerned
It's hard to accept sometimes, but even people you care about have a right to make their own bad choices. Telling them they'll be sorry often affects the friendship rather than the bad relationship.
The good news here is that human nature is unpredictable. It actually IS possible that once they commit in a serious way, whatever prompts their distrust and disrespect could end, and they can end up feeling secure and happy together.
No doubt you've given your opinion to your guy friend several times already. And I'm betting you also have some attitude about his girlfriend. Make sure you're not judging her only from his side of their story.
Back off. If he ends up with her, be supportive. That's what friends are for.
How long do I wait for a man in his 60's to inform his sons that he's dating me (also 60s)?
He's a widower who too-quickly married a younger woman, despite his sons' warning she was a gold-digger. They lasted only two years; his divorce is imminent.
My family knows him well and thinks he's great.
Tired of Waiting
He's scared. This isn't about you; so don't be insulted. It's about his own embarrassment before his sons, and his loss of confidence. No man wants to look a fool, especially not in his adult children's eyes, yet everyone knows he bombed out with this woman.
Be patient and caring. But don't let him keep you "hidden." He doesn't need to introduce you to his sons as a serious potential partner, but he does need to go out publicly with you. After six months' dating exclusively, he should introduce you to his sons.
Tip of the day:
A work friendship can be innocent, but using it as an escape causes problems.