I'm in a six-month serious relationship. My partner's very sensitive to her family's feelings about her seeing someone from another cultural background. She won't have me participate in any family events.

She's certain they won't speak to her any more if she does. I believe this possibility. She did introduce a past culturally different boyfriend, and her family didn't speak to her for months. Still, I'm uncomfortable with being kept secret, unlike him.

I've expressed my feelings, but she's avoiding conflict and will only introduce me whenever we make a formal commitment. I'm torn between wishing that she got along well with her family, and resenting being kept "hidden" from them.

I am particularly disappointed that whenever her family comes and visits, I'll have to find something else to keep myself busy, though we don't yet live together. She's said that her family will not dictate how she leads her life. I find this contradictory.

Am I expecting too much this early on, though I feel the situation will be the same even in another six months? Should I be patient and wait for whenever she's ready?

Torn and Troubled

She IS letting her family dictate this part of her life, and you know it. She likes to play with independent thinking but hasn't the determination to carry it through.... nor should she, if she can't handle potential estrangement from her family.

You should NOT wait, as the situation has already created a negative atmosphere between you. It won't be resolved until she confronts what she really wants in her life - the man she claims to love, no matter what, or just a flirtation with doing her own thing before obeying her parents' wishes.

If it's family approval she wants most, it won't come from her suddenly announcing an engagement to a "surprise" partner.

Take a break. Tell her if she decides that she's truly serious about you, as you are about her, meeting her family and letting them get to know you, is a must, right away.

Our son #2, along with his wife and new baby, moved in with son #1's family for three weeks, to save on paying rent money while their new house was being completed. The four adults had always been very close.

Strains developed (of course) and after they'd moved into their new place, my son #2 vented to me. Instead of keeping my mouth shut, I told both their sisters about it.

At a recent family function, one of my daughters had some wine and told the wife of son #1 what I had said about them. I hadn't been critical, but I did recount some of the complaining that I knew had gone on.

Now son #1 has confronted son #2 who then phoned me saying he's very disappointed in me and wants to discuss this. Both sons have removed me as "friend" on Facebook.

I Messed Up

Apologize to both sons, and their wives, and learn the eternal (and yes, sometimes difficult) lesson of parents and in-laws of adult children: Zip it.

Remember, adults (your sons) like to solve their own problems unless they ask for help. And talking to their sisters about them was unnecessary and bound to get back.

Accept all blame for this and promise not to interfere again. Forget the Facebook slight. You're their mother, not their "friend." The relationship requires respect that goes both ways, far more than social networking.

My girlfriend's planning a trip with her girlfriend and their respective kids. While this particular friend and I don't get along, the friend made it clear that this trip should not include me. The fact that my girlfriend would even consider accepting those conditions makes me very upset.

After all, we live together and spend most time as a family. I have two children from my previous marriage, as does she. Are my feelings reasonable?

Upset

Both the "friend" and your girlfriend have sidelined you. Unless you normally take some vacations apart, or your partner knew you hadn't the time or inclination to go away "as a family," she owed you the courtesy of at least asking your opinion first.

She also should've asked you if you wanted to take a different trip with her, without the friend. Since this didn't happen, you two may have communication problems.