I've been dating this man for six months. At the beginning, I was convinced that he was so good looking, athletic, and all-around impressive. I believe I thought this because I bought into his overwhelming confidence.
I myself am rather self-confident and have opinions, which has caused some arguments in our relationship. Overall, however, I do believe I really enjoy spending time with this person.
But recently, some friends whose opinions I trust, have told me I'm settling with this person, that he's what is known as "the reacher" (always trying to be with someone that is better).
Do you think there's always a "settler" and "reacher" in relationships? What can I do to shake this feeling that I'm settling, because I was happy, but now I'm questioning the relationship and my decisions?
Confused
Forget the friends' instant labels and use your heart and gut to assess the relationship. You're clearly prone to over-intellectualize relationships, but after six months, you're either happy with him, or you're not.
You were initially attracted to him superficially. But on a deeper level, you two sometimes clash opinions. That's a concern if, 1) you don't respect his thinking, or 2) you need a guy who agrees with you more often.
You enjoy his company... but do you have stronger feelings of emotional attachment, and love? If not, you may just be comfortable with him, but he's not the guy for you long-term. None of this means he's "reaching" and frankly, it's fairly self-aggrandizing to think he is, or that you're "settling" if you really care for him.
No, those two co-dependencies do NOT exist in every relationship.
My husband and I have two children, aged seven, and six. He has a high-level job and travels often. I work from home and am busy with the kids' school and programs. We're constantly tired and only have sex three or four times a year, but love each other. Is this normal? Should I be concerned?
Wondering
Be concerned. The no-time/no-energy approach to married lovemaking is unfortunately all too common, but also not conducive to a lasting relationship. Make time. Do whatever's needed to be less exhausted. Maintaining your love is more important than lifestyle.
My best friend's husband is very controlling; going out with them is sometimes truly painful. In one evening, he'll tell her to change what she's wearing even as she's going out the door, argue against what she orders for herself to eat, and insist she change a topic she's raised.
I keep wondering why she puts up with it. She's a successful, professional woman, and has raised two children now in their 20's. Yet she's a meek mouse when he issues orders. We're finding excuses to not see them, but it's awkward as she and I talk frequently and she always wants to make plans as couples. Should I say anything about disliking his control?
Socially Unpleasant
See her on Girls' Night out, without your husbands around. And stick to excuses about why going out as couples happens on fewer and fewer occasions. When it's impossible to refuse, make sure another couple or more are invited along.
SHE knows he's controlling, and has accepted it. What she says at home to him about it, or what she tells herself about why she gives in to him, is unknown to you.
Unless she raises discussion about his controlling nature, and how she feels about it, it's a no-go subject. Be a friend, not a judge.
I'm a female executive, 53, in a firm where hot new recruits are under 30. Though active and slim, I get droopy-eyed when tired, furrowed of brow when stressed, and my "laugh lines" are getting deeper and not funny.
So I've been getting facial injections that erase the forehead creases (Botox) and make my eyes look fresher ("fillers").
Now some more savvy colleagues are questioning if I've had a face-lift. Should I tell the truth or just lie?
Caught Out
Laugh out loud. And be careful whom you trust - medically, and at work. Your purpose has been to look fresher, and you do. So long as you and your "injector" believe in "less is more" and you're choosing a doctor with specialized training for this, who uses safe, approved products, this is your private decision.
Of course, your experience and wisdom has to impress these newbies more than any facial refreshing.
Tip of the day:
Over-intellectualizing a relationship can interfere with knowing your own feelings.