I have two super-annoying co-workers. The first is new to the job, and within days started repeatedly sighing - those big, frustrated "harrumphs." Yet, this soon, she didn't actually have much to do, let alone any stressful tasks.

She also locks up every little piece of paper in a locked filing cabinet, which she goes into and out of (rattling keys) 20 times daily. To me, she's distrusting everyone around her, as if any paper is totally confidential (I know it's not, based on our work).

She opens and closes her desk drawer forcefully, 50 times daily, putting every little thing like a pen in there, making noise that constantly startles me.

The other co-worker bangs his keyboard unnecessarily and therefore annoys me, mumbles and talks to himself, and eats junk food everyday leaving wrappers and soda cans around his desk, or on the floor beside the garbage bin.

I'm too non-confrontational to ask them to stop. Also, I'm unsure if I have the right to tell others how to work. Should I just suck it up?

Fed Up

This sounds like an episode of TV's sitcom The Office, but anyone who's worked in offices knows that co-workers sometimes do annoy each other with their personal habits.

No, you don't have any employee right to complain about such habits, unless they interfere with your ability to work. Even that can be seen as your problem, not theirs.

The new employee may be nervous initially, causing her to get easily frustrated or be compulsive about locking up or putting things away. If you suck it up - you can try discreetly using earplugs - it's likely her noises will bother you less over time.

Same with the mumbling keyboard slammer. His "mess" is his business so long as someone, not you, is cleaning it up and it's not attracting bugs or mice. If it were, you'd have a right to alert human resources about this.

Meanwhile, if your tolerance is stretched thin, it may be about other stresses in your work or home life that need your attention. Otherwise focus on your work, you may get promoted to another area.

FEEDBACK More regarding the struggling single mother of three children who're being bullied because they often wear the same clothes to school when she can't get them washed, and who can't afford activities other kids attend (Jan.9):

Reader #1- "School social workers are there to help kids learn the skills they need to make it through rough times. The social worker can work on the bullying issues with each class that these kids are in, by teaching short lessons on identifying bullying behavior and how to stop it. By teaching the whole class, it doesn't single any one child out."

Ellie - The mother, or anyone else aware of bullying, should recommend to the principal this use of social work help, class by class.

Reader #2 - "I'm a children's librarian. I had a mother ask me for help in this kind of situation and I did help her find a single parents' group in her community. Gathering with other people in the same situation might give her some sense of other people fighting the same odds.

"These groups sometimes end up with trading babysitting, and going out together as a group for simple pleasures like tobogganing. I also think friends from this group would help reassure her that it's not her fault that she's struggling, and might help advocate for progressive social policies to help."

I gave a very generous wedding gift and six months later I've not received a thank-you note.

What's the most diplomatic way of learning whether it's been sent? I'm trying to give benefit of the doubt that maybe it got lost in the mail.

Wondering

Traditional etiquette books give a bride up to a year's leeway, for sending her formal thank-you notes for wedding gifts.

But, with email and texts possible, plus acceptance of more casual acknowledgements, most people think that's a long time to wait, especially if there's the possibility something got lost.

If you mailed an expensive gift or a big cheque, you hopefully registered it and can trace it. That part was your responsibility (unless a store mailed it).

Otherwise, just ask, as in, "I realize you must be busy so I'm not concerned about a note, just that you actually received my gift. Did it get to you?"