I’m in a three-year relationship, we’ve been great, had occasional fights, but nothing super dramatic.
He recently told me that a friend from when he was age 13 had reached out to him and he deleted the message because he knows how I feel.
He said that if she messages him again, he’d let me do whatever I want, so today I decided to find her (on kik) and block her so we’re not waiting on her to text him again.
When I asked him for his kik messaging login information he said he didn’t remember.
He said he feels I’m showing that I don’t trust him, even though he said I could handle it.
Am I overreacting?
Not Waiting For Her
You’re both “overreacting,” but what matters is, Why?
Since he “knows how (you) feel” about another female randomly contacting him, he shouldn’t be surprised.
For your part, either you have cause from past situations to cut off anyone who’s trolling towards your guy, or you have a trust issue in general.
What’s needed is a simple discussion: Are you two in a committed relationship?
If yes, he tells the friend he hasn’t contacted since age 13, that he’s in a relationship. You get to see his message on kik and her response.
But if he’s still stalling you, there’s more to talk about together, including what you each want and expect from each other in this relationship, and what’s not acceptable.
I've been married 26 years, together 32. I love my husband very much, but it hasn't been an easy life and I take responsibility for my part in it.
We had 15 great years, and three unhappy children who turned out to be amazing adults, even after all the horrible things they witnessed.
There were years of drug and alcohol abuse for both of us. And domestic abuse against me. I’m still verbally abused by my husband.
Yet we’re still together.
I'm not a perfect wife, but I'm faithful and loving.
However, it’s also been years of being accused of cheating with multiple men. I couldn’t leave the house but for work, and I’ve been unable to have friends.
I can’t even visit my own children, who don't want him in their lives, harassing them.
He never stops saying that I'm a liar and if I just told the truth he could move on.
Then he wonders why I show him no love, sex, or attention. It's because I'm so hurt and mad, but mostly really sad.
Somebody tell me why l stay.
He’s isolated you. But you’ve written this because you don’t want to take it anymore.
A life of abuse and fear is dangerous, since your husband can turn on you whenever he chooses.
And it’s diminishing to everything else you can still be and do, including seeing your children.
I urge you to find a safe plan for making positive change in your life.
First do some research online at a neutral place like a library. A shelter for abused women, or a YWCA program for women seeking safety, are places to start asking questions about how to protect yourself while considering a move.
This is about saving yourself from further harm – emotionally and physically.
Do not threaten to leave, nor confide in anyone but a counselor whom you find through your private and careful search.
You only need find a phone number and make your inquiries during a live conversation.
FEEDBACK Regarding the man who, when referring to his sister will say, "my sister" instead of using her name:
Reader – “We had the same problem in our family.
“My brother, when referring to his wife, would say "my wife" instead of using her name.
“I would immediately and very pleasantly inquire "what is her name?" I acted as though I had forgotten it.
“He finally caught on after a few times (in front of the family), and he laughed harder than anyone. Until then he never realized his bad habit, and he loves this story. No hurt feelings.”
FEEDBACK Regarding a “mooch” (January 19):
Reader – “In some jurisdictions, common-law status kicks in after two years of a couple living together. In Ontario, it applies after one year, if the couple has a child together.
“Anyone considering living with someone should get legal advice about the financial repercussions before they move in together.”
Tip of the day:
When a random text from a long-ago friend stirs up trouble, it’s the relationship that needs discussing.