My sister recently married. They moved in with his mother, brother, and his wife, to help support his recently widowed mother.

It’s become very difficult and stressful for my sister, who clearly comes third in her husband’s life (after his mother and brother). She often spends evenings alone in her room because no one will talk to her.

He and his family want her to loosen her ties with her past. This is difficult for her, at 30, having lived alone and doing very well in her career. She’s tried to make it work for three months, but with no support from her husband and in-laws.

Her relationship with her husband is otherwise alright (small tiffs). He’ll not likely move out in the near future.

Concerned

She has her own family support, a good job, and now must speak up. Her marriage is NOT “alright.” Three months isn’t long, but the writing’s on the wall that their relationship won’t thrive in this situation.

If what he wants most is someone who accepts this sidelined lifestyle, he married the wrong woman. If he wants her, they need to work out a way to live on their own.

He can contribute financially towards his mother’s needs, plus regular involvement, like moving in temporarily when his brother and wife go on vacation.

Even if this means your sister and husband would have to buy/rent a smaller home to afford this plan, it’s better than this one, which stifles her personality and distances her from her own family. That could lead to isolation and depression. Tell her to save herself.

I’m 34, mother of two children, and in an abusive and controlling marriage. I finally got my education here. (I’d emigrated with family, with only Grade 8 schooling).

My husband’s very jealous; he accuses me of cheating with my sister’s husband. I no longer go to her house except with my husband, and only for kids’ birthdays.

I joined a gym with my daughter and lost 30 lbs., now he’s saying I shouldn’t go to the gym. We don’t go anywhere as a couple or as a family. I’m only allowed to go to work and my mom’s house.

I’m outgoing and independent. But I can’t go to my work friend’s birthday or for a drink.

Recently, my husband and kids travelled to visit his parents, and an older colleague invited me to attend an all-female daytime party. I didn’t ask my husband.

He found the pictures on my computer and went crazy in front of the kids, calling it shameful. Now I’m not allowed to see or talk to that friend and had to delete her from my phone. What should I do?

Depressed

You’re independent of spirit but controlled by this bully. You haven’t mentioned violence, but clearly some threat of retribution holds you back from standing up for your rights to normal friendships and activities.

You undoubtedly believe you must endure this, for your children’s sakes. But what a terrible role model he represents, which you appear (to your children) to be accepting.

Your education and work have built inner strengths. Now use them.

Privately get some legal advice (try a legal aid clinic if he controls your ability to pay). Get to your doctor (tell him it’s about your depression and ability to work) and get referred to counselling, to help decide your future.

If you fear physical abuse, contact a women’s crisis agency about how to make a safe plan to leave with your children.

My boyfriend I have been dating for six months. I love him with all my heart, but he’s suffocating me. We’re always together. If I leave somewhere, he leaves. I can't do anything alone.

I'm missing my senior prom now because he can't go. Am I wrong to want alone time? If not, how do I let him know I can't take this anymore?

Stifled

Go to your prom with a friend. Make a stand NOW. If it’s too late for the prom, do something else without him, regularly, like a weekly girlfriends’ hangout time, and insist you also need time alone.

The longer you cave in to his neediness, the likelier you’ll lose confidence in yourself from constantly trying to please him, as well as lose contact with friends.

You only need to read the above questions, to learn how neediness can turn to control and jealous behaviour.