I’m trying to find the best approach to proposing to my girlfriend. She’s been hinting that she’s looking forward to becoming engaged. I feel it’s not the right time to propose this year because of financial concerns to pay for our wedding day. Also, she’s moving into her new home next month.
I’m wondering if this makes sense: Take her by surprise to a jewellery store for her to choose an engagement ring style. Then, sometime next year, I’ll propose to her with the ring. I’d like us to save money and plan properly for our wedding day, sometime in 2011.
I’d also like her to settle into her new home for a year. We can then make arrangements to buy a family home together. I feel that I’m showing my commitment but considering the proper planning and financing for our wedding day.
- Your Thoughts?
It’s about as romantic as a doorknob. While trying to please her with the right ring, the overall plan focuses on delay and saving money. There’s nothing about the joy of being in love than planning together.
Re-think from the heart as much as from your savings account. Propose, take her to choose a ring, buy it then or very soon after. Then, discuss together what works for both of you.
Maybe she’d be happy with a small wedding, affordable sooner. Maybe she doesn’t want to live alone in her house for a year. Think about becoming life partners, instead of planning everything on your own.
My sweet-natured, loving husband comes from a very religious, well-to-do family, was home-schooled, and overly-sheltered. I'm not from money, not religious, have been on my own since 18.
He’d never lived on his own until we married, never had bills, or responsibility. He married into a ready-made family, became a step-father and multiple pet owner, all at once.
It’s been one year and he still has no concept of a dollar, is a pack rat, slob, clingy, and has to touch me at all times. We make good money, but he runs his debit card without checking if there’s money to cover it. Our cell phones are about to be shut off, several other bills are way past due.
He doesn’t help with housework, leaves shoes all over, dirty dishes wherever, dirty clothes, he won’t even put garbage in the trash can. He keeps everything, even junk mail.
He won’t give me any privacy, follows me around the house like a puppy on a string, even into the bathroom. We work together, too, so I can't get a minute to myself. When I’ve asked that he not touch me all the time, he gets mad and pouts, then he’s back at it.
The stress has made me feel physically ill and we haven't had sex in 9 months. He’s not interested in our getting professional help. Should I just leave?
- Beyond Frustration
Get to a therapist, immediately, for your own well-being and to explore your options. You’ve taken on another “child” but to be fair, you knew there were vast differences between you, before marriage. Now, think about what you once found attractive in him and had hoped for in this union.
Decide, with professional guidance, whether you’re willing to invest the time and effort in helping Hubby “grow up” into a partner. To do this, you’ll have to meet him half-way, e.g. he likely keeps a hand on you, to make up for feeling sexually rejected.
If you can’t bridge that gap, forget it.
I recently met this girl at a party and was instantly attracted. I introduced myself, we hit it off, and she seemed really into me. We acknowledged we were both single; she asked if I wanted her number. I called her around noon the next day (Sunday), and left her a voicemail. It’s Monday, and I still haven’t heard back from her. I don't get it. What should I do?
Chill. There are many reasons why people don’t return calls immediately – they range from someone being truly busy with other weekend matters such as family commitments, school/job homework, previous plans to be out with friends, etc.
The No. 1 Bad Move at this point is to appear needy. If she’s interested (as she seemed), she’ll call sometime, but not necessarily soon as she might not want to appear dateless or over-eager. If she doesn’t call, she’s not interested, so forget her.
Tip of the day:
Wedding plans need two heads not one.