I've endured a seven-year relationship with my spouse, who has a very nasty, short temper, loves to argue, and won't go to counselling.
I've tried talking, but everything's my fault in the end. I don’t like to argue, so she screams until I drop it.
I've endured physical and verbal abuse.
The twist is, she accuses me of infidelity (untrue), and has a divorce lawyer on call, but I actually stumbled upon proof that she may’ve had a sexual relationship with someone who brings her drugs while I'm at work.
I considered leaving, but I believe she’s mentally unstable, and will go over the edge if I expose her and leave.
Any advice?

- At Wits' End

Do not be held hostage: Leave. This situation is unhealthy for both of you.
You need to feel safe in a relationship, not constantly on edge; your wife needs to manage her anger and violent outbursts, or someone – maybe you – will have to call in the police and charge her with assault.
The relationship, as it stands, is doomed.
Individual counselling can be very beneficial to you, even if she won’t go. It’ll help you better understand why you chose to endure all this and “save her” from herself, and how to avoid this pattern in any future relationships.

I’m living with my boyfriend of one year; we’ve talked about marriage, babies, etc. (he’s 29, I’m 28). I love him and I believe he loves me.
One month ago, he started acting strangely. I discovered via his cell-phone bill/text messages that he called several bisexual/gay phone lines and had listened to messages and chatted with men. He says he didn’t meet up with them; just that he was aroused by it to masturbate.
He’d previously told me that he’s had past sexual encounters with men, through occasional bisexual urges (he says he’s only had intercourse once with a man and didn’t like it).
Recently, I’ve also noticed him looking at other women when we’re out.
He now says he only wants to be with me and he apologized about the phone calls. Yet he gets repeated cell phone calls from a blocked number.
I don't know if I’m being paranoid about this relationship as my previous two ended in me being cheated on.

- Suspicious

You’re not paranoid, but you are naïve if you think your guy is ready for marriage talk. He’s still experimenting with his sexuality, and while he seems open with you about his “urges” (when caught), he’s deceptive about his contacts with men and brazen about his interest in other women.
Cool the relationship for a while, even consider taking a break. You need a lot more assurance of his long-term commitment to an exclusive relationship with you, without his having further sexual experimenting or dalliances.
If you accept this man as he is now, expect to find more people involved in your relationship.

My sister’s husband had an affair. She’s forgiven him but I can’t even look at him.
How do I handle it when I have to be in his company at family events?

- Upset

This isn’t about you. Your sister needs your support. If she and her husband are making a serious effort to get past this, they need close people to help - through acceptance, and a positive outlook.
Marriages can survive an affair. But it’ll be much harder if constant reminders from your negativity make your sister too insecure to trust him again.

I work in a small office and one of my co-workers bothers me hugely. She has no sense of personal boundaries, e.g. trying on my jackets.
Professionally, she’s bossy and bratty, and raises her voice when she disagrees.
She’s attached to our boss in a crazy way, as though referring to a saint.
Worse, our boss defers to her too often.
People who've previously raised it with our boss have been labelled as jealous.
I can change to another job but need another year here before moving up.

- Losing Sanity

You can choose a job change, or you can “suck it up.”
But you can’t stay there, fume and blame others for being themselves. It’ll stress you more, and possibly delay your career progress.
A move elsewhere would clear your mind so you can advance more speedily.
Hang onto your jackets, and your blood pressure; when your co-worker yells, walk away.