I'm 26, female, and completing a professional program. I’ve never dated, waiting for my program to be over before embarking on a serious relationship. I come from a very conservative family.
There’s one male co-student whom I thought had potential for a relationship with me. He’s shown interest and has also never been in any relationships (very conservative, too).
The spark between us was known, discussed among friends, often.
However, I’ve learned that he and one of my closest girlfriend's had recently been going for dinners and movies alone (we three used to meet up since we all hung out in university).
The girl was already in a relationship with another man (and still is).
She’s cheated on many boyfriends in the past. She's a very pretty girl and acts very innocent. Men always fall for it, which sickens me.
When I talked to my guy friend about this, he was stunned and hurt. He said, he was “exploring his options" but had no clue she was in a relationship back then.
I’m deeply hurt, feeling betrayed by both. Yet I don't want to lose some of my closest university friends.
I no longer have any feelings for him - I value myself a lot more than that. However, since friends are limited at this point, it's hard to say goodbye to people with whom you have so many memories.
Your “close” girlfriend betrayed you, the guy less so. She broke several social rules, knowing the spark between you two, and being attached herself.
So her private “dates” with this guy were just another ego-boost for her, without caring about you.
If you stay friendly with her for old times’ sake, stay wary as well. Her loyalty gene is weak.
As for the guy, you two had no agreement, hadn’t yet dated. Perhaps he felt your devotion to finishing school before dating meant you weren’t all that interested in him.
Stay friends with him, and don’t hold yourself aloof if your feelings for him revive.
A woman I work with is constantly complaining. She says she’s depressed.
She’s 50, very attractive, divorced, has adult children (the youngest, 19, still lives with her), has siblings, and a mother with whom she’s in contact.
Yet all she talks about is whatever non-serious medical issue is her latest “crisis” (e.g. oily skin and hot flashes).
I’ve been through menopause myself and know it isn’t always easy to deal with some of the persistent symptoms like night sweats, but I also know many women who try different remedies like sleeping on towels, alternative treatments, and creams, etc.
It’s getting to the point where I practically hide from this woman at work. What do you suggest?
Not a Whiner
Share your information and tips about menopause with her. It’s one of the benefits of sisterhood among women who’ve already experienced this phase which can strike fairly suddenly, with some overwhelming symptoms, swinging emotions, and can also last several years.
Show her the more informative sites on the Internet, tell her to ask her doctor about whether she qualifies safely for hormone treatments, and direct her to where alternative remedies are sold (health food stores and through natural medicine practitioners).
Tell her she’s sinking into depression and needs to tell this to her doctor, possibly to also see a therapist if she’s having trouble adjusting to aging and its impact on her life.
Then you’ll have given her all that you know that can be helpful.
I’m currently pregnant with my cousin’s best friend’s baby. Nobody knows that we’ve been dating and sleeping together.
My family treats him just like family, he's always invited.
He’s 22; I’m 19. He’s not ready for a child and neither am I. But I don’t believe in abortions because I’m the one who laid up and made the baby.
How do I tell him I’m pregnant? How do I tell my family? They’re very judgmental.
Pregnant and Scared
You tell him, fast. And then you both tell your parents. You made this baby together.
Yes, they’ll be judgmental, which you just have to accept. If you wish to keep this baby, you’ll likely need their help, and if the young man takes responsibility, his family’s help may be needed, too.
Only if you fear physical danger to yourself or the fetus, should you instead seek help through a local agency that aids pregnant single women.
Tip of the day:
Friendship with someone you can’t fully trust is a set-up for disappointment.