I’ve felt attraction to other women although I’ve never been in a same-sex relationship.
Several months ago, I met a woman who’s become an amazing and pretty close friend. She revealed she’d had relationships with both men and women.
She was recently single after a long-term same-sex relationship.
Now she’s ready to date again and I’m very much interested in her. I know she thinks highly of me. I’ve known she thinks me sexy and attractive. However, she’s never shown any interest in me as a possible partner.
I’ve been thinking of asking her outright whether she’d consider dating me. I know she’d give a straight answer. But it can potentially ruin the friendship I value.
If the answer is No, it might make things tense and uncomfortable, and I may lose her altogether. But by not asking, I might miss out on something wonderful.
We come from widely diverse backgrounds; she’s a highly successful professional while I’m on disability support payments. Still we’re both serious, mature women.
Torn in Toronto
Same-sex or heterosexual, it’s a question many people ask – whether to take a chance on telling a friend you want more.
There’s no “right” answer. Your friend shouldn’t be upset by the question, since she’s been open with you about her being bi-sexual.
The “differences” you describe haven’t interfered with your friendship. The income disparity would only matter if a relationship involved a dependency factor, which bothered one or both of you. But you don’t mention that.
My only caution in this case is that it’s still an early friendship. Perhaps if you take more time getting to know each other, the answer will become clear. She may sense your interest and address it.
Know yourself, too. If rejection would be too difficult to bear, then the question risks you dropping the friendship, regretfully.
My husband of 19 years is a nice person who suffers depression (taking a “happy” pill) and social anxiety that’s worsening.
He has some individual friends from work, that’s all. He previously had a crush on a co-worker who flirted to get him to do her work.
I talked to him and it stopped.
Recently, he had a dramatic, extreme reaction (mortifying me) about my having an acquaintance’s family over for Christmas. They had no one else, so I welcomed them to celebrate with our (lonely) family.
We have no friends as a couple, just my girlfriends, and his work buddies.
We go out, but just us four (including our two kids). He gets upset if we invite friends.
I feel that he’s very dominating in this way.
I love people, as do our kids. His reactions have been so disappointing for me that I haven’t been able to forgive him.
I know staying together is the best option, but I feel stuck and frustrated.
Your husband needs to accept that he’s a one-quarter member of your family’s life.
His social anxiety must be understood with compassion, but not rule everyone else’s social needs.
Your separate adult friends don’t help the children benefit from the company and sharing of family friendships and group socializing.
Speak to him as their father. He’s using social isolation to suit his needs and ignoring theirs.
He needs professional help finding strategies to compromise with you and the kids on social needs.
He needs to be aware, too, of just how frustrated and lonely you feel.
See a therapist working with social anxieties, together, to discuss this.
My stepson recently passed away. His mother greatly dislikes her son's father, my husband.
She flew here for the funeral, opened all the sympathy cards, and took any gifts given to the family. She gave the opened and empty cards to my husband.
My husband and I are writing thank-you cards for the help we received, but don’t know who gave gifts with their cards.
How can we show our gratitude for these unknown gifts that were directed to all of us?
Grief often makes past hurts feel deeper, and prompts harsh reactions. This woman acted abruptly and rudely, to avoid her ex, and any sharing of their pain.
But you and he can still thank people appropriately.
A printed card can state, generally, that you thank all for their expressions of condolences, their support, and gifts. A specific item or cash amount doesn’t have to be named.
Tip of the day:
Don’t ask a platonic friend for romance, if you can’t handle a negative response.