My boyfriend of one year is 43; I'm 36. He visits every weekend, calls, and texts everyday; we share hobbies like ballroom dancing, traveling. I've met all his closest friends. His family will be visiting us from Asia next summer.
However, my sister hates him. She says there are so many red flags, which I'm too stupid to notice.
His career's unstable (he changes from one company to the next and his own company failed); he's a shopaholic - buying expensive watches, and designer clothes for himself, however, does not even buy me flowers.
Friends say he might be looking for a rich family (my parents are hard-working self-made millionaires) or my sis might be jealous.
Also, girls are always checking him out and he loves the attention. Should I continue going out with him? Or drop him?
Sis has some valid points... even if she's jealous. You're not stupid, just too willing to overlook the negative for the good. Unfortunately, some warning signals matter.
His lack of stability especially, spending on himself but never you, plus you appearing as a cushy landing spot. These add up to major financial issues, which can dominate and destroy a marriage later.
Test him - discuss the future, and say that, of course, you'd want a pre-nuptial agreement regarding your family's money, any inheritance, and your own current holdings before the union. His reaction may tell you a lot more than his ballroom dancing moves.
I'm 21, mostly happy with my life. However, I fell head over heels for a guy at my school and haven't felt the same since. We met last fall, went on a few dates, were intimate for a little while, and then fell apart. He was one of the first people I was ever intimate with.
He wanted to break it off and I accepted then that maybe we weren't right for each other. But ever since, my feelings for him have only intensified. Being on the same course and in the same classes, I saw him daily.
A year later, on different courses, I still have feelings for him! Even when I've seen or dated other guys, I can't get him out of my head.
I've started to stalk him on Facebook, checking his profile repeatedly, going through his pictures and posts, etc.
Sometimes I feel I was/am inadequate for him. I've always been a confident person so I'm not sure why he's gotten to me this way. Even though we were never that close after the time we got together, just acquaintances, I still have all these passionate feelings for him.
I don't know if I'm feeling unrequited love or if I'm insanely and unhealthily obsessed.
Sad and Upset
When intimacy and rejection follow close together, they pack a powerful wallop. Especially to those who haven't developed the shield of experience and the wisdom of foresight.
He wasn't the right guy for you, and instinctively, you understood that. But in your mind, you failed. You gave him fully of yourself - not just physically but "head over heels in love." And you're wounded that the magic of your feelings brought you nothing in return. It's not him you want back, but a belief in yourself.
Take control and end this stalking habit, or get to student services for counselling. The guy owes you nothing. But YOU owe yourself a great deal more than wallowing in a past crush. It'll drag you down into depression if you don't make your self-confidence and self-respect the priority need.
My husband retired two years ago and sits on the couch 24-7 watching TV! I'm going crazy! I've asked him to do things around the house - that lasted two weeks. He has no hobbies, isn't interested in anything. It's like he's retired from life.
After 44 years together, living alone sounds pretty good.
Retirement is a huge life change and can spark an identity crisis as well. The many books on self-help shelves and online can help you understand his loss of motivation, energy, even pride.
Lead by example. Join a gym yourself, some personal interest group that might attract him later (film club, ancestry search, etc.), volunteer. Then tell him of your experiences, without pressure. And get him to a doctor for a health check in case his lethargy or low state has a medical factor. After 44 years, a partner deserves this effort.
Tip of the day:
Don't ignore red flags just to prove something to others.