Everything in my 18-month relationship with my boyfriend is wonderful - except for his family.
His parents don't feel that I'm good enough to date their son, and his sister ignores me during family gatherings no matter how friendly I am to her.
I feel like an outcast every time I'm around them. I've told him my feelings and concerns, and he's been trying to reconcile his family to me, and me to them.
Despite this, I’ve been repeatedly insulted by them.
I’ve recently elected to always be “busy” during their gatherings/dinners. I’m even contemplating skipping his sister's upcoming baby shower, rather than subject myself to further awkwardness and insults.
However, this isn't a real, sustainable solution. Also, I’d feel robbed of ever being able to celebrate important holidays with my boyfriend if I'm always “not available.” Unhappy Outcast
If you continue with this self-excluding plan and just drop out of their sight, they’ve won their war of rudeness.
Meanwhile, much important detail is missing from this story.
You need to know exactly why your boyfriend’s family is rejecting you. And you then need to know what he’s prepared to do about it.
If their behaviour’s based on bigotry regarding race, religion, or background culture (theirs or yours), they’re not going to change their attitudes easily.
In that case, if you’re both hoping to have a future together, your boyfriend must take a stand and tell them to either accept you, or he’ll soon lose his willingness to maintain contact with them.
If their objections are based more on snobbery and wrong perceptions, he still must confront them about their rudeness.
But he should also present the reasons why he loves you and wants them to welcome you.
If they don’t, he should distance himself enough for them to realize that they’re creating a divide that may not heal.
With these steps, you’ll both soon know if there’s any hope for a better family relationship.
I performed oral sex on a guy while he was sitting on the couch and I was facing him. He kept his hands on his eyes the entire time (like how a child would put both hands on eyes playing hide-and-seek).
This was "different" behavior than I’ve normally experienced with men and I do know that oral sex is usually enjoyed by people viewing the act.
We were not in a relationship. This all took place the morning after our third date. He’d slept over; nothing took place, until the next day.
Prior to the couch interaction, 45 minutes earlier, we’d both given oral sex in my bedroom, so I wouldn't know if he’d done the same behavior.
This was the first time we had sex of any sort. I look forward to your wisdom.
If you truly seek “wisdom,” be willing to question your own.
You describe having sex with someone you know little, and without enough self-confidence to even ask the guy about his behaviour.
Whether it’s odd or not, whether he gets his thrills from not looking and imagining you’re someone else, there was nothing about this act that you enjoyed.
I almost get the feeling you did it out of boredom or because you two had nothing to say to each other.
Any sex act that’s consensual can be mutually satisfying, or giving, or passionately enjoyed, IF you care about the other person and feel equally cared about.
Sex without any connection at all doesn’t involve much wisdom.
FEEDBACK Regarding the situation when one spouse accuses the other of cheating:
Reader – “This is a severe form of abuse. I know because I’ve experienced this with my ex-husband.
“Why did he accuse me? Because he was cheating on me!
“Whether he was using projection to put the blame on me, or whether he just assumed because he was a lousy husband, that I’d cheat, I'll never know. I just know I wanted to scream at every accusation. It was demoralizing and disrespectful. Trust me, it feels horrible.
“The accuser needs serious counseling because there’s usually a lot more going on beneath the surface.
“The accused should also get counseling to learn how to deal with this horrific treatment.
“A spouse shouldn’t have to answer repeated “check-up” phone calls, out of fear.”
Ellie – Thanks for sharing your insight on this. Many readers have described similar experiences of a cheating partner “transferring” the blame.
Tip of the day:
Family rejection should be confronted, along with a firm stand against it.