I’m with someone completely compatible, but unsure sure if we have a real future.
He listens and values me as a person, and has a great sense of humour, adventure, and sweetness.
My problem is that I’m very sexual but find it hard to satisfy him. Initially, it was difficult for him to have an orgasm without porn.
We worked past that but he’s since been mentioning sex dreams about his long-time ex, though he swears he’s over her. He tells me when he’s fantasizing about other women during our sex play. He has a sex tape with another ex that he’s watched while we’ve been together.
He’s still friends with both these women and doesn’t understand why I feel insecure. He’s also seeking relationship advice from his ex.
I want it to work out but I’m feeling withdrawn and distant every time he mentions going to see strippers or watching porn (which I’ve been okay with in past relationships).
I’m also growing more insecure when he even just talks about whether another woman’s pretty.
Should I Stay?
Run! Save yourself before he grinds your self-confidence down further.
He’s made sex all about what it does for him, not for you together. And using taped sex with his ex, as a turn-on while with you, is downright insulting. So is telling you his ex’s “advice.”
You’re caught up in his mind-game of making you keep him happy. But, trust me, once you’re away from him and focus on YOUR needs for mutual satisfaction, appreciation, emotional support, you’ll be rid of self-doubts. And, a lot happier.
I’m considering moving back to my hometown after a decade away. I have many friends there, want to raise a family, and hopefully start a business.
However, there’s someone I don't ever want to see, but will see regularly as our circles of interests and friends overlap.
This person sexually assaulted and attempted to murder a close friend of my family who was already terminally ill and died two weeks later.
The perpetrator got out on bail (I don't know how) and happily exists in that city.
How can I live with the anger and disgust I feel toward this person? All my hopes for starting a new life there are tainted.
If and when I see this person, should I say something? How can I not? Would I be able to bar this person from entering my business?
Your desire to live there needs to be stronger than your revulsion for this person, or you’re bound to experience unpleasant confrontations.
If charged with the crime you describe, it’s hard to accept that the person is “out on bail,” indefinitely. There must be a trial ahead, or else charges were dropped. It’d be wise for you to find out why. There are court records, and there may be information that you don’t know that can help you understand the person’s conditions of living there.
Once moved back, you’d have to draw lines around what you do and where you go, if you never want to see someone who’s apparently a free agent to go anywhere.
You’d also have to be careful what you say about the person that could be libelous. And you could only tell this person privately that you don’t want them in your place of business. But you’d have a hard time to legally bar anyone, based on your feelings rather than cause.
Do your research before making any further decisions about the move.
My friend’s long-distance boyfriend of three and a half years ended their relationship eight months ago. He stopped all contact just weeks after she visited him, and he’d sent loving texts. She says he’s her soul mate, love of her life.
I fear for her health and mental state, as she’s getting worse, sounding near suicidal. She’s a great mom to her kids but has been devastated.
How can I help her handle her grief?
Tell her you understand her grief’s deep, her loss painful. Talk about her kids’ need for her to heal and be strong again. Attach the number of a distress hotline to her phone.
Urge that she see a grief counselor. Say you’ll take/drive her to the first appointments as you know it’s tough for her to take that step forward.
Listen, soothe, don’t analyze why and how he ended it. Just focus on her getting stronger emotionally and keep close contact.
Tip of the day:
Run from sexual intimidation that destroys self-confidence.