My husband and I have completely opposite personalities - he's obsessively detailed; I'm vague and inconsistent. He's overly confident; I lack self -esteem. He plans things out carefully; I'm spontaneous and emotional. He's popular with his peers; I'm reserved.

I like myself, but around him I hate myself. I've tried to be more like him, but I get exhausted. It doesn't work for me. We often have very different understandings of things and he usually has many more reasons why he's "right."

We spend so much time bickering and then trying to figure out why we're bickering, when really, we just don't get the other person's point of view. It becomes a "blame game" of expecting the other person to understand intuitively.

What I found attractive at first - like his confidence - now bugs me. I'm longing for a break, a vacation away from him, or something to get some perspective. I hate this "dance" we've created and I want it to stop, but I don't know how. Of course I love him. He's a great guy and I know he cares about me deeply.

Is it normal to dread being together? Should I just keep trying to find a happy place?

Tired of Being Tired

Despite a clear perspective on your differences, it's not helpful that you (and likely he, too) are still holding onto the same reactions, still hoping the other will change.

Where love's involved, huge efforts are worth time and energy from both of you. Go to counselling. Don't say it's hopeless or hasn't worked before. Trust me, a divorce is even more tiring and hard work.

So start some "work" on this yourselves. Write out that same list of differences you sent me.... with a real example of how it played out to become a disagreement, e.g. re: household tasks, bill paying, deciding a vacation, etc.

This time, instead of looking for who's "right," consider how you could've divided the tasks differently, or come to some compromise that would've been "okay," even if not "perfect" for you.

Take your notes to the couples' therapist, together.

Consider the sessions as your "vacation" from the fighting it out at home.

After a 16-year relationship, I'm with a wonderful man, we're in our 30s, and he has three kids.

It's very hard dating someone with children when you never had any. But everything's great. He's moved in, and we have the kids all the time.

Recently, his brother said my boyfriend's only with me because it's convenient.

My boyfriend denies this, and says he loves me. But I can't get that word out of my head. I feel like I did when my ex cheated on me, and like I'm pushing him away because of what his brother said.

Am I still holding onto the hurt and anger of my last relationship?

So Hurt

His brother's nasty comment has no relevance if you and your partner both think everything's great. Your hurt IS a throwback to your past.... unless you have evidence or inner suspicion that he's taking advantage of your generosity.

Since he's moved in with three children, he naturally needs to be paying a greater share of household costs. If he can't and you can afford to cover the greater share and are not inwardly troubled by this, that's fine, too.

If you can reassure yourself that you two truly love each other and that you're willing to help raise his kids long-term, ignore his brother who may be jealous or just miserable.

Our daughter-in-law of five years still doesn't address me by name. I'm beginning to feel like a "no-name brand" of mother-in-law.

I like her very much and feel there's mutual respect for one another. We did talk about what to call me once they were married. I felt that calling me Mrs. Smith was too formal and suggested she use my first name. She said that in her culture it was impolite to do so, although she was born here.

Concerned Mother-in-Law

Mutual liking and respect puts you way ahead of the no-name brand of in-law! Many people have difficulty saying anything like "Mom" to anyone other than their own mother, fearing disloyalty.

This dilemma is usually instantly resolved by a baby's arrival, when you become "Nana" or "Grandma," or whatever's agreed. Meanwhile, accept her explanation, which comes from politeness, and be grateful for the decent relationship!