My husband of 28 years has collected old radios, other electronics, etc. to sell on eBay. It’s all in the basement.
On the hallway floors, he’s working on test tube machines.
More items are in the dining room, on the kitchen floor, on the stairs, and in our bedroom. It’s a HOARDER’S PARADISE.
He paid for the stuff and thinks he can sell everything.
This is upsetting to me. We used to have family over for dinner, but can't now. I cannot bring my friends over. It’s very hard to clean.
He knows how to fix and clean things, and did sell some items.
We do go on holidays together and sometimes do other things.
Hoarding’s one of the hardest disorders to deal with, but intensive treatment can help people understand their compulsions.
BUT, they have to acknowledge that hoarding’s a problem.
Fortunately, your husband and you do enjoy some things together. So he needs to hear clearly that he’s negatively affecting your life.
He’s isolating you both from family and friends, making your house unsafe from clutter, and deeply upsetting you personally.
Insist that he go to counselling, saying it’s essential if he wants to live out his life with you.
Satisfy his need to get paid for stuff, by calling a take-away service to try and sell it for him (search online for this).
I’m 16, in high school. My father died this past January. My mother wants nothing to do with me. I'm homeless.
I’m currently living with a friend, who’s my age and in my grade at the same school.
I have nowhere else to go and we share a lot of the same friends.
Lately, we’ve been getting into physical and verbal fights and she kicked me out. Now she doesn't want anything to do with me.
I have plans to move in with family at the end of the school year. But until then, we have to share a room.
I need advice on how to make this work. I still want her to be my friend although she doesn't want that, though I’ll be moving out of the State, but not for awhile.
Homeless in High School
Since you feel you need her, you’d be wise to back off from fighting with her.
However, if she’s aggressive and starts fights with you in which she hurts you, or upsets you with verbal abuse, then you’d be better off moving on to your family sooner.
Your circumstances have made you grow up fast, so try to weigh your possible choices. If you can put up with her awhile longer, try not to start fights with her, and avoid her when she’s angry, you should be able to hang in till you move.
If she’s making that choice impossible, or there’s some other reason the two of you must separate, go to your school counselor or principal and ask if they can direct you to a local agency which will help you find a place to live for the next few months.
Depending on the age of majority in your State (most often 18) and where you live, the local YWCA may be helpful, or a church group, or other community service agency.
There are also youth hostels and services for under-age teens who give solid reasons for being on their own, such as your homelessness.
The U.S. national communication system for homeless and runaway youth, to help find local help agencies and organizations, is 1-800-runaway (786-2929), called the National Runaway Switchboard.
FEEDBACK Regarding the co-worker with a dangerously abusive husband (April 11):
Reader – “She’d be safer leaving him from her work, not home.
“She should confidentially ask her HR department or boss for a leave of absence to escape an abusive situation, without divulging her whereabouts.
“On the day before leaving, having checked that a shelter has room for her, she should have documentation she’s compiled at work, and call police for escort to the shelter.
“Three words to get police help fast: "I feel threatened.”
“She should ask her friend to give a copy of her documentation to police, noting specific dates and events, dated and signed - they’re evidence in court.
“Hopefully, her husband will be charged.
“I used those words to escape my own dangerous situation. I also had a plan, and a cell phone.
“Since she has little cash, her work friends could buy her a basic cell phone for contacting her children.”
Tip of the day:
Seek specialized therapy for hoarding disorder.