My husband of 22 years had what I thought was a three-year emotional affair (texting constantly and talking on his commutes to/from work).
I confronted him many times and he constantly denied it, saying she was just a friend.
A year ago I found evidence and said I was leaving. He wanted to work on our relationship, so I stayed. We went to therapy for many months.
I tried to make it work (even though I had serious doubts about the other relationship being over).
Several months ago I caught him at her home during the day. He said he was there to end it.
The past six months have been challenging. He’s moving out in two weeks.
I told him I need time and space to decide what to do. He says he now realizes what he’ll lose.
He had a midlife crisis. He came clean including the fact that they had sex five or six times. I have two teenagers.
I don’t know if I can ever trust him again.
Confused, Need Help
The “time and space” escape is often NOT able to clear the confusion. Often, it’s just a period of distraction, with too much advice from people with their own agendas and biases, and too much time and distance to grow further apart.
Instead, you need clear thinking and emotional strength, along with a re-entry to couples’ counselling now that the truth is out. You both need help learning what’s really needed to make this work.
Also, your teenagers need to know that their parents are trying to deal with the problems, not just avoid them. They need to be assured that there’ll be stability in their family, one way, or another.
Sure, take a short break/vacation if that makes you feel ready to face the choices ahead. This is an important turning point for the future of all of you.
I have a 13-year-old Jack Russell terrier and live in a nice quiet eight-plex. One tenant-couple are near age 90, and have taken a huge liking to my dog.
The gentleman keeps treats in his pocket for my dog. She's great with food; I have no concerns that way. However, I’ve always been very strict about the quality of her food.
This friendly neighbor buys a brand of treats that I’d never ever willingly give my dog.
Would it be rude to buy this couple some healthier treats that I approve? I don't want to do anything to discourage the joy they take in my dog, but I don't know how to politely communicate that I’d prefer she only eat approved foods?
I’ve had difficulties in the past with people not understanding why I’m so strict about my animal’s care.
I, too, am a dog-lover and appreciate the great care that you provide your dog. But it seems that this brand’s been fed to her for a while and you haven’t mentioned any ill effects.
So there’s clearly no need to rush or be over-concerned.
Try a subtler approach to not hurt these caring neighbours’ feelings. Bring some of your own treats along with you, and show them to your neighbor. Then offer a few for him to hand over.
Gently, explain why you chose them, and what else you feed her, that you believe keeps her healthy. If he says he’d like to purchase them, say that you buy in bulk and would be happy to bring him some. Or, if he protests, tell him where they’re available.
I’m graduating high school in a year and struggling with decisions regarding careers and universities.
I’m hard working, with 90+ average, but can’t find any field that interests me. I’m sometimes so frustrated I give up on ever finding a career.
I’m working as a dance teacher and love it, but I want to find something that I could develop into a life-long thing. I’ve tried online quizzes and seen my guidance counselor but find nothing I’d like to study.
I’m continuously told that I have time to plan my future. I'm scared of the future and worry that I’ll never know what I want.
You already know that you love dance, and teaching. Both those fields can be separate or combined, for engaging life-long careers.
Be reassured that you will focus on several ideas - whether those two directions, or others that arise - when you stop blocking them with fears.
Tip of the day:
Clear thinking’s needed regarding a separation, not avoidance, and distraction.