My girlfriend of three months suddenly suggested a break. I'm pretty sure it's due to my moving back to my hometown in three more months (only an hour's drive away).
So far, we've been hanging out almost everyday. Some nights she wants me to sleep over with her, though there's no sex or kissing, just some cuddling.
She initiates most of the contact. It's been almost two weeks now and she still doesn't want to talk about this "break."
I tried kissing her the other night when she was acting touchy and flirty, but she giggled and pulled away.
Is she trying to distance herself from me, to not get too attached? Or to eventually break up?
Talk about "Adjustment" instead of a "Break." There's nothing surprising about her reaction to your move. She's been consistently cautious on the intimacy level, not yet certain where an early relationship's going.
You've been letting her set these limits. Now, your move is outside her control. She realizes you'll no longer be as available and you'll likely meet other people when you're not with her.
Explain the reasons why you're moving and reassure her with a plan for getting together regularly, showing that you'll make a great effort. Example - say you'll still spend most weekends in her town, and invite her to yours whenever she can make it.
My best friend since grade seven and I both met these guys in grade eight, but only began dating them in grade nine. However, I decided to end my relationship after 11 months of dating.
During this whole time, my best friend's boyfriend and I became good friends and would go out to lunch together, talk on the phone for hours, text each other. He gets along great with my family.
My best friend expects too much from him and starts unnecessary arguments; they argue all the time over the craziest things that shouldn't even be a bother. She's broken up with him several times and liked other people. She constantly flirts even though she has a boyfriend.
He and I have had great times together and talk without her knowing about it. Recently, he asked if I had any feelings for him and I said No, because I wasn't sure how he'd react.
I can't get that question out of my head and wonder if he does, too. I know I'm in the wrong, but he's definitely someone I can see myself with. He deserves better and someone who cares about him very much other then constantly causing problems to get attention. I definitely do not want to lose my best friend.
There's only one answer and you already know it: Back off. You're still very young, there are lots of guys out there, there's no need to poach your best friend's guy.
Note this - he hasn't broken up with her. He may deserve "better" but that's for him to decide and handle. Even then, if they break up, you need to keep distant a long while, if you truly care about your friendship with this girl.
Meanwhile, what are you doing talking to him without her knowing? This is already a betrayal because it's deceiving her. If you continue down this path you set yourself up for losing her, and the trust of others in your circle of friends together.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who said her eldest son always acted like an only child and then chronicled his selfish, greedy, and hurtful behaviour (Jan. 30):
Reader - "I'm a woman, 58, who, as an only child, has been treated to many insults e.g. that I must've been spoiled.
"As a teacher, discussing children with behaviour problems, often the first question colleagues asked was, "Is he/she an only child?"
"It's been assumed by some that sharing, independence, and putting others' needs first are foreign concepts if you've been raised without siblings.
"This thinking, despite studies indicating "only children" tend to rate highly on social awareness indicators. In fact, they're often better able to pick up on social cues and adjust to a variety of social situations.
"There are many of us out there who are well-adjusted and out-going."
I agree. I'm married to one, and he's the most balanced man I know.
Tip of the day:
Big changes call for discussing an Adjustment Plan, to reassure both people in the relationship.