I’m 18-years-old and have been seeing a 33-year-old man for six months now. I see him about once a week, sneaking behind my parents’ back, and telling them that I’m sleeping over at a friend's house.
I'm tired of lying to my parents; I feel so guilty.
I really like this man, and he really likes me. I consider myself an "old soul" and I have always been interested in older men. But how do I tell my parents?
Time to Come Clean
Your need here isn’t about “how” to tell them, it’s “when” and the answer is NOW.
Be honest with yourself first.
There’s more than the age gap that’s been holding you back from openness with your parents, though you may not be certain yourself why you didn’t tell them.
But inwardly, privately, you can’t have been completely comfortable that this man – supposedly wiser, along with being older – has been a willing partner in keeping the relationship secret.
That’s undoubtedly why you’re tired of lying. And also why you’re feeling guilty, because you know in your “old soul” heart that he’s guilty too, in accepting this deceit.
So apologize to your parents for lying, say that the attraction was strong but you feared they’d be against him due to his age.
I’m betting that instead, they’ll be far more against his lack of good judgement for letting you lie.
However, if you feel he’s being wrongly judged by your parents and you must still see him, ask if they’ll at least meet with him and talk the situation out together.
You may be mature for your years, but still need to know that what’s most important is respect for his character and integrity, not just for his being older.
It’s time you see who he is and how he acts, in the light of others’ eyes too… not just in secrecy.
Lately, I don’t want to go anywhere publicly, or with friends or family, with my husband of 35 years.
I’m very outgoing and get along with everyone. However, when I say anything in company, he always interrupts me, and takes over the conversation.
Also, whatever I’ve told him about something personal that happened in my childhood, he’ll repeat in public.
When I raise this, he says I’m stupid and don’t know what I’m talking about.
He’s so annoying that I prefer to stay home by myself than deal with this problem and him. He’s overbearing. What can I do?
After 35 years together, it’s important to know whether this is a recent change in his personality, or he’s always tended to be this way but it’s now bothering you more.
I’m suggesting that something may have changed – perhaps in your lifestyle (one of you retired and you’re together more?) or in health and mood.
If the latter, it’d be wise for both to have a health check-up to see if there’s a treatable cause for personality change.
If not, then the decision is still yours. Avoiding going out and repressing your outgoing nature is not healthy.
Make arrangements to go out alone with friends and family, e.g. in the afternoon, or girls’ nights out. The intent isn’t to embarrass your husband by leaving him out. Rather, it’s to change the opportunities for him to shut you down.
Tell him what you’re doing, but not in a threatening way. Just say, “I am not stupid, and I don’t accept your behaviour silencing me and humiliating me in public.”
I have very versatile hair which I wear in several different ways – I have it done professionally, tastefully, and always age appropriately.
One acquaintance said he likes it one way but not another way. How do I respond to an opinion which isn’t asked for? Or, to a compliment that’s given along with an insult: "You look great, not like how formal you usually look”!
I feel like saying "I don't care what you think, I dress and do my hair for myself." But I also don't want to be rude.
Style-makers will always attract opinions, it’s part of the attention you draw through the enjoyment of trying different looks.
Even the seemingly negative comments are positive proof that your adventuresome spirit towards your own image is being recognized.
Enjoy it! Respond as enthusiastically as you feel about yourself… “Glad you noticed. I like it this way.”
Tip of the day:
A relationship which you must hide from your parents usually has problems which you’re hiding from yourself.