I love my girlfriend of one year dearly. We're both early-30's; have great times together. I can't imagine a life without her.
The only thing incompatible is our schedules. Her profession (teacher) requires her to be at work around 8am. Mine (website developer) allows flexibility. I could go in for 9am like others or for 11am, which is what I do.
For years, I've loved missing the traffic both ways and being at the office later, alone, getting work completed in peace.
However, I'm noticing that it bothers her. It means she's falling asleep long before I am (I'm up until 2am-3am, while she's passing out at midnight) and then waking up way before me (and, on weekends, waiting for me to get up).
Then she said we were never going to bed together or waking up together. Lately she's mentioned we could be incompatible because how could we ever have kids together if I'm sleeping in every morning.
Maybe I'll have to give up this fantastic schedule due to having kids, but I don't want to change it or feel guilty. Should I change, or tell her I'll change when I have to, but for now this is who I am?
Not to be unkind, but it's as if you have no idea what a relationship is about. SHE can't change her schedule, YOU can. And we're talking about three hours, max! Moreover, you can keep one day weekly for working late.
But, having her wait for you to wake up every weekend with not heading for bed before 2am is a control move. No compromise shows it's all about the ME instead of the US.
If you don't accommodate now, for more time together and sense of being a team, she'll be smart to conclude you're not likely to adapt later, either.
I've had an on again off again sexual relationship with my ex for two years. I hoped it'd turn into more, but it never has.
He's funny, good-looking, and we share amazing chemistry. But my gut says he's dishonest. I'd snooped once when dating and found in his email that he was conducting webcam sexual acts with other women (at that point he became my ex.).
He focused on my snooping and refused to discuss the other women. When questioned, he's dismissive, vague and gets angry (silent treatment). I was so enamoured, I swept it under the carpet and stayed involved (dumb). I just wanted so desperately to be with him.
Recently, I caved and snooped again, and discovered he has an active bisexual alter lifestyle. It includes ads on Craigslist, male lovers, prostitutes (male and female); the list goes on and on.
I'd asked repeatedly if he was sleeping with others and if so, please use protection. We have not. He has "straight" profiles on some sites, and bi profiles on "bi" dating sites.
He knows I snooped. I feel terrible about it, but freed from this "obsession." He's sent me harassing messages regarding the snooping. I'm avoiding contact. What do I do?
Get tested for every STI out there. Maintain the no contact rule. If he continues to harass you, change your email and other contacts.
However, if you think he's likely to find other (perhaps harmful) ways to harangue you (he fears you'll expose him), get a lawyer friend or person he might respect to write him about the consequences of harassment... legally, and involving police.
My sister and her boyfriend come to my (parents') house, four times weekly, staying all day. She's on a fixed income, her boyfriend's in a band. They live nearby, have a working shower, but don't bathe, do laundry, or wear deodorant.
They stink up our house. My parents have twice raised this issue, resulting in my sister not talking to them for months. So they don't feel it's worth mentioning again. My sister knows she can get away with acting disrespectful.
I can't stand their visits. They say I don't know the whole situation. What am I supposed to do?
You're the one with the courage to ask the obvious question: What IS the situation? If they can't use or afford facilities/soap at their place, they should shower and do laundry at your parents' home.
Otherwise, say they'll continue to smell offensively and risk losing friends and being unhealthy from poor hygiene.
Tip of the day:
If you don't learn when and how to compromise, your relationship will suffer or end.