Following are just a few of the very strong reactions from readers about an in-law situation:
FEEDBACK Regarding the father-in-law who has issues with his son’s wife (May 24) and tries to restrict her visits:
Reader #1– “I believe he's causing trouble and stirring up drama where there isn't any.
“He’s self-righteously convinced that his own behaviour, past and present, is perfectly fine.
“Even his fiancée (wisely) seems to be trying for peace and tranquility with his son and daughter-in-law.
“The young couple have a two-year-old and an infant.
“They're exhausted and don't need to hear his father’s whining, whether it's to their face or behind their back (neither do his fiancée and future step-daughter).
“He should invite his daughter-in-law to lunch, treat her to a day at a spa, bring over a casserole, send her flowers, tell her what a wonderful Mom she is - anything!
“He needs to start thinking of others' feelings and busy lives, or his upcoming second marriage might end in trouble.”
Reader #2 – “Really? He asked his fiancée and daughter-in-law to entertain and babysit his grandchild so he can have private time with his son when they’re all visiting together?
“If treating his daughter-in-law like this, I can see why she’s standoffish towards him.
“It seems that he expects her to play second banana to his son when they’re with him.
“It demonstrates that he has very little respect for her as an independent person, OR as his son’s wife and mother of his children.
“But his son’s loyalties are to his wife and children, not to making life happy and stress-free for his father and his fiancée.”
Reader #3 – “I found the father–in-law’s upset that his son's wife was coming to breakfast, despite that only the son was invited, odd and mean-spirited.
“Especially since his children make the same types of requests to the father and his future wife.
“Also, the father-in-law said he only needed five minutes to visit his new grandchild in the hospital, despite his daughter-in-law just having had a C-Section.
“He clearly doesn't care for his DIL, also evident by his arranging "alone time" with his son.
“No wonder the son and his wife don't seek a close family bond with the father. The father needs to ask forgiveness of his daughter-in-law and show some interest in her!
On being a stay-at-home parent: Before my first son was born, my husband and I decided that I'd stay home once my maternity leave ended.
We figured that once daycare, wardrobe, and travel costs were factored in, I'd have been paying to go to work!
I stayed home with that first son and my second one, for six years.
The day the youngest began Kindergarten full-time, I began a two-year college diploma program at the age of 38.
Now I have an entirely different career from the one I left.
Financially, things were not easy and we are just now (the boys are eight and ten) crawling out from under debt.
My husband changed jobs twice during my stay-at-home tenure and both times, the initial switch made things harder, for awhile.
We live simply - second-hand cars, a tiny house with a small mortgage, old furniture, etc.
There are days when I wish for more, but overall, I am content. We’re content.
Those six years at home were my favourite – with no regrets. I feel so very, very lucky and blessed.
I want to send this message to the writer of a question on May 26. She worried about a future with her boyfriend who “doesn’t get” her literary references.
He’s a building contractor; she’s a professional.
Here’s my answer to whether they “have a chance together:”
My second husband and I are very different regarding our academic backgrounds.
I hold five university degrees including a PhD. He completed a two-year college diploma.
I’m a professional; he’s in trucking.
I’m an avid reader of text. My husband rarely reads books.
He’s a kind, supportive, and loyal man who’s been there for me and my children.
We share many interests and have great debates. Our relationship wouldn’t work if we weren’t intellectually matched.
Academic achievement doesn’t equal intellect. Nor does academic prowess make a person better or smarter than others.
What matters most is a person's character, not how many years they’ve spent in school.
Happily Married 12 Years.
Tip of the day:
Treating the spouse of your adult child as an outsider can cause a huge divide in the family.